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Monday, August 31, 2009

School starts tomr

wow. summer is over.
yet, i havent found my 4 leaf clover!
i had no summer lover.
but summer crushes.
all of them are beings created with my brushes!
as time rushes,
it seems as if things are surreal.
my best guy friend painted his room teal.
truly, it seems unreal!
but it looks cool.
oh what a fool.
i should be sleeping and stop being a tool.

ok night.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

POLAROID @ URBAN OUTFITTERS! I WANT ONE!!!! THE LAST ONES EVER MADE!!! I'M SO GETTING ONE! haha


Urban Outfitters + The Impossible Project

This is awesome. i've always wanted a polaroid. if i can get my hands on these babies, i would be so happy. i bet it would be really expensive though. *sigh* oh well hopefully i can and hopefully it'll be worth my time/money. there's gonna be limited of film. but i'll have to wait till 2010 to buy more since they are only making 700 of the polaroid cameras! therefore, this would be awesome if i can get my hands on them! should i waste my money or save them!? help anyone!? comment below!

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Movies watched this past weekend (2)

Paper Heart - this movie was interesting. What is love? Is love something we can find right away? like LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT!? What is "true love?" Can we understand love? The power of love? Sometimes I feel like people say "I love you" so easily... If you don't mean it, don't say it. So this nerdy asian girl, who isn't that "charming" does kinda like a documentary of herself... going around the US/France to ask random people about love and their point of view about what love is and whatnot. So that is the first half of the movie. The second half begins while traveling around the US... she happens to bump into michael cera the dude from JUNO and Superbad and Year ONE. They happened to "click" and i guess they started liking each other... and... yea. the boy hates being filmed every time they go out on a date so he breaks up with the girl. the girl gets depressed and doesnt want to do it anymore... blah blah blah...

Like Charlyne (the main girl), i dont know what love is. It feels like i can love someone, but i just dont know how to define/describe it... Love is more than just one emotion... it's a combination of feelings (in my opinion). Ugh, our Asian ness dont show our love to one another. never say "i love you" or anything lovey dovey to anyone aka parents/kids/etc... But i think i'm about to change this. how? i dont know yet. haha. anywho enought about this movie. It wasnt worth $10. I wanted to see this before, but after i saw Adam. The Time Traveler's Wife. I didn't want to see this at all because it was just ehh... haha.


Inglourious Basterds - what can i say. pure awesomeness. Scalping? Loved it. haha. It's so funny to see how they did it was ease! oh geez. people back in the days, so scary. brad pitt, i have to say was... not what i expected. It was a good movie. i just didnt like his parts. It's really funny! But there was something misssing from this movie. i dont know what it is. i really cant say anything about this movie other than how it's so awesome due to the gory killing and such! haha. there really isnt any main point in this movie except for killing the Nazis.

Upcoming Movies I want to see!

September 4th
All About Steve (Sandra Bullock movie)
Carriers (Chris Pine movie: diseased people; trying to get away from them)

September 9th
9 (cartoon movie)

September 11th
Sorority row

September 18th

Jennifer's Body
Burning plain


October 2

Shutter Island (leo decaprio)

Friday, August 21, 2009

Blue Lake

Last Summer Get Together! Summer fun. Summer Love! Summer nights. Summer games. Oh, how I say I hate Summer, but really I love Summer. Especially chillin' with the friends. Yes, there could be awkwardness in between, but it's always worth it. Bonding time is always a plus. "Get to know each other!"

Frisbee Fun (Doan's good throw)


Volleyball (Brian's a Pro!)


Trying to Figure out how to make a fire....


Kelly, Stacy & Me


THE CANOEING CREW

Blue Lake was a success! I thought it might have started slow since I waited for 3 hours ish or more for everyone to come! It was a tee bit awkward at the beginning since we forgot a lot of stuff... Sorry about that. But thanks y'all for not minding...I hope. It's my first time taking the initiative to start an event so a lot of stuff are still unorganized!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Family








RYAN'S BIRTHDAY @ Jin Wah

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

a thought and upcoming events

It's crazy to think that drunk people are talking nonsense when they are "not themselves," but to me, they are pretty darn right about some things. It's either true and you know it or random things you never thought you'd hear it from a person... drunk people don't lie (from my experience). I sometime wonder what i would say if i were drunk.... I have nothing to hide.... hmm curious now. One day we will see (when i'm 21!).

Ok Future THings To DO!

Portland Farmers Market at Ecotrust August 20

Pearl District Annual Sidewalk Sale! September 5 - 7

Art In The Pearl Fine Arts & Crafts Festival
Northwest Park Blocks
September 5 - 6, Sat. and Sun. 10 am - 6 pm
September 7, Mon. 10 am - 5 pm

Monday, August 17, 2009

Things to do Aug 20th-23rd

The portland river fest

i want to go to the saturday market thingy... grand opening! water front park.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Movies watched this past weekend.

District 9 was awesome! If you like bodies being blown up and aliens, you'll like this movie.

Adam - it was great! What can I say... i like Hugh Dancy and his Asberger Syndrome.

The Time Traveler's Wife was an OK movie. It wasn't as sad as I thought it would be, but it wasn't a bad movie either. The Notebook was better (it made me cry).

Friday, August 14, 2009

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

October 16th, 2009



THE ROAD




New York, I Love You




Saw 6 is coming out too! (themoviebox.net)

Movies in the Park

Portland Parks & Recreation has announced the movie titles and neighborhood park locations for its popular [and FREE!] Movies in the Park series. Last year, the event was called Big Screen on the Green, but PP&R has changed the name, because neighbors have always referred to the series as Movies in the Park.

Movies begin at dark. Pre-movie entertainment begins at 6:30 PM so bring a picnic and enjoy!

Rain-outs will be called by 5:00 PM and posted at the park.

Friday, August 14, The Wizard of Oz @ Laurelhurstpark

Saturday, August 29, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull @ Laurelhurst park


This is sad. but I've never seen The wizard of oz.... haha....

FORGETFULNESS

Oh geez. I threw my retainer away.

lately or I've been noticing it more often my memory is degrading. This is not good. But it might be a short term thing right? *sigh* hopefully.

so i was getting ready for bed, brushed my teeth and suddenly i remember... RETAINERS! i didnt think i put it in the retainer box cleaner thingy, but i still opened it to double check. EMPTY! uhh went downstairs. table cleared. trash empty! oh no please tell me its not in the garbage outside the backyard!

*sigh* what luck. gotta go through the germs (phobia #4)........ gotta do what i gotta do.

i remember drinking water with my retainer on. then mother came home bought us TACO BELL! i took my retainer out. ate my chalupa. put them back on. then threw away the taco wrapper. then sister was like want my chalupa? was stilll kinda hungry, so i ate hers. of course i took 'em out again... Oh! and we were also watching the Teen Choice Awards - discussing who was hot, critiquing celebs - how britney spears act like she was in a rush and didn't even hug miley cyrus! and such... haha. I think that made me delirious! and so i threw my wrapper away without noticing my retainers.....

oh me.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Follow up/Differences/Phobias!

So. I've finished the book. It was awesome. I cried a couple of times. I was shocked when I found out the "reason" for everything. It all adds up! I should have known. Oh how "life goes on..."
My next book is Angels & Demons. I'm lazy to start it today, maybe tomorrow.

So I need to finally call up the person so I can return the book. I almost did it today, but I chickened out and didn't do it. *sigh* I'll do it tomorrow! Hopefully, I won't back down. Why am I so nervous/scared?! Must be because... of that last encounter we had... It was weird. Like they were mad at me or something (I hate that feeling)... I guess I'm just scared of facing the truth/the reason. Or maybe it's nothing and I'm just overthinking things. I won't know unless I confront them right!? Right.

Haha, it must be annoying to have someone question you all the time. But that's the only way to communicate. If you don't ask, how the heck are you suppose to know!? People can't read minds! Believe me, I once thought mind reading was easy. Apparently, it's not as easy as it seems.

One thing to keep in mind, no one is you. You think the world would be awesome and would run smoothly if everyone was like you, right? Hate to be the one to break the news to you, but THANK GOD everyone is different. The world would collapse if everyone was like me - weak/fragile/indecisive/passive/follower.

I hope that one day my fears would disappear. I have a lot of phobias that I've never mentioned. Some are stupid and ridiculous, but yes, I do fear them. One thing, I for sure do not fear is DEATH. If it comes, it comes. That's crazy right? Me, Diane Phan, does not fear Death. haha. I know a lot of people do. It's normal. Maybe, I'm just the weird one. I don't fear Death, but the way I die is an issue. I don't want to be scared to death - monsters, ghosts, etc... you know, all the fantasy stuff from movies. I hate those. I don't believe in them, but I always get paranoid after movies... but they are so fun to watch! So I guess phenomenological things scares me - phobia #1.
Phobia #2 - everyone knows this or should if you were ever in my classes: SPEECHES aka PUBLIC SPEAKING! It's nerve wrecking & makes me nauseous. The anxiety (attack) I get before my turn or even the day before! Argentum nitricum helps me, but I stopped using it a long time ago... *sigh*
Phobia #3 - Animals. Why? I have no clue. I used to have a black dog when I was little, probably around 4-7 ish? I remember it was a small puppy when we first got it, then it grew really big! I don't remember playing with it at all! Did I ever play with it? I'm not sure, but one day, it was gone, either he/she ran away or my uncle dropped him/her off somewhere... I don't see how this shows my fear of animals, but that was the only pet... so far. I've been having thoughts (could have been me daydreaming or just a dream) about owning a dog and living in a condo... you know one of those downtown/pearl district area? haha. I know unbelievable. But yes, back to fear of animals... maybe it's because I'm scared of getting bit, poked in the eye by a bird, or eaten/killed! haha. Who knows.
Anywho, phobia #4 - as you may all know I'm a Germophobic so therefore I'm scared of germs! There a lot of reasons: Germs + weak immune system = sick. Sick = bedridden aka can't go to school = bad grades. bad grades = no medical school/dental school or w/e I decide I want to do! Also, I don't want to get infected by other people or the other way around. So that's the reason why I don't like sharing food/drinks. So don't give me the weird look or think that I don't like you or w/e. It's for the best. [I know germs are everywhere and it can't be avoided, but it can be prevented from spreading so be wise and wash your hands and be safe! haha.
I have other small phobias. I can't think of any right now, but I just know that there's more. BUT these are the BIG ones!

Saturday, August 8, 2009

VANS WARPED TOUR NEXT WEEK!!!!

So.... I think i'm going to the vans warped tour! AUGUST 16!!! I'M STOKED! shoot. my first VT! haha. Print this for a free gift at the vans tent? haha i dont know. *sigh*

3oh!3 (Ehh...)
Alana Grace (Black Roses Red so maybe...)
All Time Low (sure, i saw them once before, they were good)
Big D and the Kids Table (ehhh....)
Breathe Carolina (maybe)
Broadway Calls (ehhh)
Cash Cash (sounds like hellogoodbye... )
Dirty Heads (maybe)
Every Avenue (maybe)
Forever the Sickest Kids (ehhh)
Hit the Lights (ehhh)
I Set My Friends On Fire (if they didnt scream i woulda like ehhh them)
Madina Lake (ehhh)
Meg & Dia (HECKS YAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Millionaires (wth.... hahaha)
Plugin stereo (maybe)
Shad (alright)
The Maine (pretty cool)
The White Tie Affair (pretty cool)
There For Tomorrow (pretty cool)
This Providence (pretty cool)
We The Kings (pretty cool)

BUT IM GOING ONLY FOR MEG&DIA! haha. so sad....


Love meg's guitar

Dia was so sick, meg had to sing by herself!

no dia... :'( but Meg is awesome too!!!!


So hopefully Meg&DIA will be there next week!!! haha

The Human Heart

Just had a creeper/stalker moment....

so. i just added one of my "old friend".... from elementary+middle school. then i went to his page and i was like HEY! more people i know from elementary+middle school... they look so different now. haha. i dont want to add them though... i havent talk to them since middle school! it would be weird. hhaha.

anywho. i've made no progress on the book! ok no more fb and such for now. gonna go read!


PS - You can't judge a book by its cover! nor a person. what you see might not be the truth. In a way, we will never know the truth... a person can LIE about anything! What you hear & see could be completely false. Isn't that scary? I have more to say about this... but i'll leave it for later so i can move on with my reading.

(500) DAYS OF SUMMER [a satire]

My Plan for the next few days...

I've come to a conclusion and found a solution for my last post... I'm gonna finish this book that i borrowed months and months ago.... and return it to "them." That would be my excuse to talk to them since I'm too scared to call them up... Chicken much? haha

So, I've been thinking for the whole day. I'm lucky. To be me. And I'm actually pretty content about it. I feel sorry for other people. who tries too hard. cares too much about what other people think. I mean I care about what others think too, but not to THAT extent, where I forget who I am and become another person. I'm basically me. If you don't like me, I can't help it. I'm sorry. I don't think I've ever act... different than just being me (Though, there are phases of me -emo, happy, angry, vexed, frustrated, etc...) *sigh* I could be wrong though (from a different point of view...)

But I'm sick of liars. Don't talk to me if you're gonna lie. People these days... are a mess. But who am i to judge? I'm a mess myself. Again, who put ourselves in this mess? It is our own self. We can't blame others for our mistakes/faults. So take it like a man and suck it up. Not saying, we can't vent or share our problems, but if it consistently happens, there's something wrong with the picture. This is when things are out of hand and something's gotta be done other than complaining about it. Think about it. Don't be stupid and be a fool. Oh boy, I feel great now. Just great. BTW, this is me talking to myself. This has no fingers pointing at anyone, but myself.

I just realized something, I've lost contact with my old friends! Haha I thought going to different schools was the reason, but summer is ending now and still I haven't talked to them. I guess long distance relationship is really hard to maintain. Then again, no effort from me. or them. What can i do? School is starting again and there's nothing to do but to move on and make new friends. This is true, but to me, friends will always be friends. I dont forget them, they're just not "here" right now. Remember now, I'm a keeper. Most things will always stay with me.

The point of this post. I have no idea. Oh, it was to tell you about the solution I've come up with to talk to "them." & my feelings on... me.

So my goal is to finish the book by... MONDAY! and talk to them... sometime next week! wish me luck. (i'm excited)

Friday, August 7, 2009

Nearing the end of summer.

I must say, this summer has been the best summer yet. Out of all my summers, this one would be the most memorable. I've done things that I have never done in my life! It's crazy. I've met a lot of people too. I don't even remember most of their names, but I'll remember some faces and maybe need a little bit of a reminder to refresh my memory.

I had a lot of freedom while my mother was gone. That time period has got to be "THE TIME." I did a lot of things. I didn't hang out with my friends though, maybe once or twice for a whole month, but not too often. What did I do? Had some intimate bonding and reflection time w/ myself and one other person. They helped me realized that there's more to life than what I think it was. That I can be myself and be loved. And the best part, trying to pick things out of me for all the right reasons. Somehow they know I keep things to myself and they made me feel less tense about things: "Whenever you're ready to talk. It can be whenever and it doesn't have to be me... It's better to spill it out then to keep it bottled inside." I'm grateful to have them come in my life. Though, I am pretty sad lately. I haven't seen nor talked to them since my California trip. No, there was one time after that, but we didn't talk much, just a "Hi" that was directed to me then I was kind of busy to talk more since I was at work and they were on the phone. We haven't talked since. Did I do something wrong? I'm too scared to call & I don't want to text because they hate texting. *sigh* what to do!?! I don't know. This has been killing me ever since. I tried keeping myself occupy with things to do, but lately a lot has popped up reminding me of them. It's crazy. I know I'm crazy. *sigh* This is bad.

I'm glad my friends are around, especially my two best friends, even though one is not always here, but is, in a way & the other has problems of their own. I feel like both really do care for me, each of them with total opposite personalities play a different role in my life. I want them to know that I love them very much and I'll always be there, I hope no matter what, but for sure I will in spirit if I really can't make it there. I know we might have had some misunderstandings and whatnot along the way, but it was only to build this awesome relationship... stronger. I hope you guys feel the same way. Otherwise, I'm a fool for saying all this. I have a feeling that one of you or maybe even both would say that you hate me for not telling you things, mostly about my feelings/my thoughts. It's hard you know? For me to complain to people because I don't want people to worry about me. But for sure I still make you guys worry in a way somehow. I like listening to others more than vice versa. Just say that's me being selfish. As you guys can see from the last couple of sentences from the last paragraph... sharing my feelings is one of my problems. I guess I just need more time...

As for the rest of you guys, new friends & old friends, everyone, I, thank you all. You might have inspired me, taught me things, made me see truth in things, etc... whatever it is/was, it could have changed my life or the way I'm living. I believe that you meet people for a reason. That reason could be good, bad, or even both. It could last forever, a month, or even a day. But overall, it's a step forward... a future... (oh geez, i have no idea where i'm taking this. I'm going to stop here haha)

This was supposed to be about my summer. I dont know how it ended up being about friends... I guess I'm trying to let my thoughts take me away when I write. I think it's better this way. But yes, back to my summer (a little quicker version). There's been high points and low points. High points: Cali, Seattle, Corvallis (even though it was deserted... it was nice), Church Camp (not LaVang's), hanging out w/ friends - movies, eat, etc... Low points: sitting at home watching dramas, anime, and playing games & being on facebook all day! Basically, being at home is my low point. And there has been a lot of LOW POINTS lately. Since summer is just summer - time to relax. I guess I can't hang out ALL the time. Plus, the laziness to plan or go out is in my blood. And don't really know who to hang out with since I don't want to hang out with the same people and make them go BROKE!!! haha. BUT the real reason is... DON'T KNOW WHERE TO GO... *sigh* That's always the problem... which is sad.

Anyways, school is on its way. about 22 more days really to be freee. I want summer to end good. But we will see.... sorry for all the emo-ness and the bad typos/grammar. It's pretty late /early!

Sunday, August 2, 2009

NOTE TO SELF: Live for the future. no reminiscing on the past. At any second, life can be taken away. don't waste that second on something that can't be changed now.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

A [Peak] at the Past....

So today someone mentioned something about my past. it was the past!
... and it was one of the most painful ones.

the thing about me is i like to forget (and in a way, i do forget easily w/ my bad memory that comes in handy sometimes), but no matter what happens, the past will come up eventually...only a matter of time. Again, this wouldn't happened if i didnt tell certain people. Luckily, they arent nosy nosy people haha or else the whole world would know.

So after a relationship (friend, boy/girl, etc...) whether it was a hard break up or it was just confusing and you didnt know what you did wrong or when it involves the "C" word... "cheating," there's gonna be that pain, hurt, anger, jealousy, etc... feeling. It does not feel good, at all.

sometimes the pain is unendurable. what could be done? there might be other ways, but i slept. ate a lot. got depressed. didn't reallly talk to anyone. BUT IT WAS ONLY FOR A WEEK! after that, the painful memories were gone. i see it as if it was completely erased from my memories. i dont want to think about it anymore in the future. I mean, nothing could've been done. so there's no use of being sad/depress for so long. a week was pretty long for me. since it was nothing. nothing. nothing at all. therefore, when i talk about my past, this part doesnt apply in my life.

so to make this clear: I never went out. nothing happened. i hate cheaters/two-timers. & unclear relationships - like with Summer+Tom from (500) days of summer.

I know this is vague. But if you knew about this, then i think you know what i'm trying to say. Hopefully, this topic wont come up again.