At The Stage Of Changes: Passion & Self

So today, I have nothing better to do but to stay in my pod and surf on the nets of random sitees. I came across a few things and made me realized that I need a passion or a motivation to get me somewhere... who knows, I might already have it inside of me, but i just dont know what it is right now. Like I said before, I need to find out who I am.

But anyways... I want to start a lot of things. Things that would make a difference in my life instead of just going on facebook, twitter, blogger, tumblr... I mean why do I need to go on these things all the time? I don't. It's just nice to stay connected w/ your friends - I like that feeling, but alone time is good for the soul. I think that's what I'm going to do. I mean, I tried quitting facebook earlier this summer, but it didnt work. But now, i will limit my use or even my time on the computer. It's taking away my life!

The things i want to do before the summer ends... a lot!

1. Read!

• East of Eden -John Steinbeck
  
• Atlas Shrugged
• Forever Amber
• Frannie and Zooey
• Indiana - George Sand
• Lolita
• Nine Stories
• Rebecca -daphne du maurier.
• Mary by vladimir nabokov
• Brave new world - aldous huxley
  
• les miserables - victor hugo
• The Doors of Perception & Heaven & Hell - Aldous Huxley
• Angels and Demons - Dan Brown
  

I think there are more books that i want to read... if any one of you want to donate or let me borrow some feel free!!! haha.

The # 2 thing i would do is to write some songs... i know i know, pretty shocking isnt it? But yes, I want to write music. I feel like I can if I can get inspire by something... and i feel like a lot of things has happened... i mean high school is still fresh... and first year of college is truly an experience... yet... i'm still SINGLE!!! oh the lonely life. potential line: "how it feels to be single since you were born" hhaah.

I don't think I have any further actions... I mean reading all those books would take me forever! maybe even a lifetime! JK hopefully i wont take long! my first book is going to be the kite runner, since a friend let me borrow it since the beginning of the summer and i havent touched it since...

I'm going to just live life the way it is given to me. whatever i have. whatever i can get i'll use it and live with it. i wont try to ask for more.

I've been having second thoughts. what if im not suppose to be into the medical field? what if i'm here for a different purpose? like the peace corps or something. HA! maybe even the ROTC progam... or environmental sciences... Oh. I want to explore more. BUT I feel like there is pressure... pressure from family and FAMILY! i cant go anywhere... I have freedom, but really do i have freedom? I feel like i'm stuck in a maze. no matter how big it is. there is only one exit with so many paths... i have a lot to choose from, but there is only one right one... therefore, i cant really choose! it was pre chosen! or preplanned! the only way they would give up is to see the downfall, when i drop out of it... and follow my real dreams... which i dont really know what it is yet. i still have roughly two years to think about... after this year, i will make up my mind for sure. so far the choices lined up for me: doctor (dont know what yet, i'm thinking about pediatrician, or obstetrician but yea... dont know yet), dentist, engineer, pharmacist, surgeon,.... seee? i dont know what to do if i dont stay in the med field... *sigh* funny.

alrighty. i think this is good for now. it's almost five o clock am and i'm not sleeping yet. which is not good. so yeah good night.