happy new year

so a new year is beginning!
and im sitting at home at the moment... thinking or pondering on whether or not i should go to this one event. haha i know that in the back of my head, i do want to go, but something is telling me not to. i know what it is. but i shouldnt let it effect me. *sigh*

starting today... this new year, everything is going to change.

haha ok im gonna write in viet now. haha i feel like it!

chuc mung nam moi.

mot nam moi sap den roi. thoi gian troi qua nhan qua. minh khong biet lam cai gi het! mot nam buon da qua. nam moi nay can phai vui ve hon. minh suy nghi nhieu qua. can phai nghung. ok. chuc moi nguoi mot nam moi binh an va manh khoe, va hoc gioi! cho mai sau duoc van su nhu y! haha song lau tram tuoi. haha.

minh nghi minh ghen voi ban trai cua ban minh. haha! cung khong phai la ghen. giong nhu khong thich moi dung. haha. i dont know. nhung minh vui tai vi ban cua minh kiem duoc mot nguoi roi... i'm very happy. minh nghi toi phien minh... hopefully this year?! haha. we will see.

i neeed to listen to vietnamese songs. im losing my viet! i used to write so well... this is like... sad common words... ugh. im sad.

ok. i guess im going to the event later... hahah we will see how it goes.
i know its gonna be awkward...

oh btw, im waiting for my "year" and maybe this might be it...

i got accepted to the LONDON BIOLOGY program at school...
i need to talk to my mother now... iono. i have a feeeling i wont go.. cuz its 5800 without airfare and food money... and tickets are like 1500 ish... right now... so thats like 7200 already.. without food! and we all know that i enjoy eating out... so for 6 weeks... in london... how much would be enough for FOOD!? hhaha i think all together this trip will cost me 9000. so 1800 for food and shopping perhaps!? haha i think thats good. ok... i need to raise 9000... well i need 800 by jan 15th.... *sigh* SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME IF I SHOULD GO OR NOT! i need advice! dont tell me what i "want" to hear! tell me the truth!!!

i cant breathe without you, but i have to.

hahah

FOOD!!! post #2

 I FORGOT ABOUT PAMBICHE! haha its cuban food...


Places I want to try…perhaps before winter break ends!?

1. tour de crepes (alberta & 29th)
2. Blue plate (3rd & washington)
3. Berbati's Pan (2nd near Ankeny?)
4. Paccini (pizza! Mainly) (Park and 12th?)
5. St. Honoré Boulangerie
6. Bar mingo/café mingo
7. Muu Muu's
8. Yuki's Sushi
9. Urban Fondue
10. Toro Bravo
11. Rogue Ales
    

Of course there are more places… but these are just sugggestions for now. haha

Family Gathering

Sunday. Did not go to church. Cuz i was so tired from sleeping all day the day before! and watched movies: ALL ABOUT STEVE and yea...

I did not get out of bed until... 4 ish? haha
was about to go to church, but mother decided to go to uncles house!
so we went and we ate... FOOD! we made crab...but i did not eat it cuz i dont like crab. there was papaya salad that was SPICY as HELL! but i liked it... hhaha so i ate a lot of that... and bun bo hue? and other stuff... a lot of seafood! but no OYSTERS! i was saddened! haha

hanged out with the little cousins upstairs... tried to get them all together for a polaroid picture, but none of them would stay still and no one wanted to take pictures! (later on they wanted to, but i was "pissed off" or something so i kinda yelled at them... haha)

hanged out with the older cousins and uncles at the table... talked about:
Boys ----- how they are animals when they are drunk (this is coming from my very mature, awesome, soon-to-be doctor cousin and uncle-in-law). boys can be really nice and a good person when they are not under the influence, but when they are, us girls, need to be careful and not let them take advantage of us! we can go have fun, but the important thing is TO NOT LET THEM TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU!!! thanks for the advice boys. haha
What a "man" should do #1 ----- so... according to them, a man should be the one sacrificing for the girl. it is NEVER the OPPOSITE! if the girl is sacrificing more for the boy, then she needs to stop and find someone else because that guy is not worth it. he probably only wants to get some and thats it..  he doesnt "love" you enough...so why bother. like my cousin, he was dating his wife and she went to OSU, so every weekend, he would drive all the way to OSU to be with her... after work, which was after 11pm! man i did not know that. haha. but wow that was pretty crazy... (ps - it took him 6 months to hold her hand... hahah JK he said.., but patience is a good quality to have)

What a "man" should do #2 ----- he should be paying for the girl/lady/woman... NO MATTER WHAT! (even if you're poor!) NEVER LET THE GIRL PAY FOR ANYTHING!!! my uncle-in-law (pretty funny guy) said that he was really poor when he was dating my aunt and he was like sorry but i cant afford to take you out to expensive places, but we can go to SUBWAY! haha at least he was true to her! and being honest! and PAID still haha.

Friends ----- make good friends. and if we do go out and party or go clubbing, remember to look out for each other. especially watch out for SPIKED DRINKS!!! haha and BOYS!

yea we talked about other things too.. but this is what i remember right now.
oh. a family trip to Vietnam in 2011? i dont know yet... i have a feeling i cant go then... but we'll see.
uhh talked about careers...

BTW, they were drinking Jägerbomb w/ rockstar! and Courvoisier VSOP (cognac)... i was surprised! with the Jägermeister! it was their first time at home. AND it was my first Jägerbomb! it was pretty GOOD! i actually liked it. haha (of course my family doesnt know that i drink...before haha)

 well then there was the trip to VN talk. same old drama. MONEY MONEY MONEY! my mom didnt have a fun happy trip... full of drama. *siigh* and she "disowned" her sister-in-law... haha oh how i dislike my family in VN...

Overall, it was a fun day today. i like family bonding time...

........

ugh. some people can be so... LAME!

sometimes, i dont feel like trying no more.
i think i'm caring less nowadays...

for instance, if i got a C back in the day... i would totallly freak out... now, it's just... "oh a C... how nice, i passed..."
im losing it.
which is not good at all.
i dont know what to do with myself anymore.
my dreams are impossible to reach.

& i'm losing the people i care about through different ways.
(lying, cheating, hiding things like THE TRUTH+secrets, not being honest, & simply the lost of communication!)
i saw it coming.
i just never wanted it to come true... or admitted the real fact/truth...
i think i started losing them when i was in high school...
and i'm still in the process of losing.
(i have to admit, HS wasn't "fun," it was just nice to finally have some real friends. that is probably the only reason why i liked HS so much. i was a loner throughout elementary+middle school. i had friends, but were they really friends? just a bunch of little tattle talers, self absorbed, selfish, and mischievous kids. PLUS the drama that came along with it. i think i made some good friends in HS. just think about how different i would be if i went to Grant!? (my 2nd choice). I dont know if anything that happened was right, but it's fate? haha whatever happened happened. cant go back now. And i dont know what will happen in the future, tomorrow or even in a minute... but i'll let fate decide... my decisions do matter... but who knows... sometimes things doesnt go as planned. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I GOT TO THIS MATTER OF FATE... ANYWHO! HS was HS. Glad all the people i dont want to see is not in my life anymore haha pretty messed up but it's true. some people were just so annoying and... fake. btw, i dislike FAKE people! i mean a lot of people are... but theres a limit... like... for me, i act differently around different people... is that consider fake? haha i am still me though... SOME people are totally TWO different people! sometimes... i get scared... but anywho i am done with HS. just wanted to mention that because... OH because HS was the time period where i started losing people... thats right. family, friends, old AND new).

again, i think it's time for me to give up.
& let things be...
most importantly,
letting things go...
always has been my problem
& probably will always be my problem.
im always returning to square #1... losing that epiphany that i thought i gained... but in reality, it's just me imagining it or wanting it so badly that i put it in my head thinking that i have it... haha hopefully that made sense.

anywho... i dont know why i started writing about this... oh nvm. i do.
because of PEOPLE.

my day today

haha
we can never have too much butter!
lobester killer haha
you are the butter to my bread, the air to my breath.

i finally finished Julie & Julia. It was a pretty good movie. I want to learn how to cook now. I really do. I feel like if I have lived in a different place, I would totally know how to cook. It's limited here. My mom doesnt even use the OVEN! If my dad was still here, we would be making desserts and whatnot together. (especially cheesecake, his specialty from what i hear from my cousins who knew him when they were young...) Every time i eat cheesecake, i think about my dad. haha. it's weird how i feel... this bond... with him still... even though it's hard for me to picture him... AHHH! why am I talking about this!!? haha

anywho, good movie.

i cant wait to go watch sherlock holmes. i wanted to see it yesterday... haha and right now....

so i picked up mothers today at the PDX waited.. for 1 hour! international airlines... she went the tokyo way. which was different from the previous times... haha I waited at the D gate section, and then i was like no one is coming out (8:15am)! then one of the people who works there told me that i had to go downstairs to the international arrivals. mothers and uncle didnt come out until 9:15am! haha lame i woke up so early... 7am. and was hungry so i ate... a #2 at McDonald's haha 

i got home and went back to sleep. right now is 2pm. and i'm still in bed. haaha.


SO now i am watching THE KITE RUNNER!
i read the book last summer and i cried at some parts... it was a reallly good book. i recommend you guys to read it if you havent!

so the movie is alright. not as detailed as the book of course. and is missing a lot of scenes! i didnt CRY or like just teared at this one part... but not pouring down crying when i was reading it... haha. not a lot of books can do that to me... but yea. i say read the book. 

Chromeo's New Vid!

Chromeo "Night By Night" Video from GreenLabelSound on Vimeo.

....

The Weakerthans - Everything Must Go

The Real Fact

Sometimes stuff happens for a reason.
But what i hate the most is not knowing ahead of time.
i like to be spontaneous, which contradicts my previous statement.
the two are two different things though.
not knowing ahead of time is when there is a plan, but i dont know about.
the second, being spontaneous, is not having a plan, in which we come up with one at the spot.

there is always a reason when it comes to my actions.
like me not wanting to do something. eating, stressing, drinking, etc...
i am easily persuaded, but it is not because i am easy, it is because i dont want to make things complicated.
i feel like my stubbornness would make people hate me. cuz i am stubborn. i just never showed it. like if i really feel like it...no one can make me do something that i dont want to do, i will NOT do it, to the point where i would get pissed off and just leave or w/e depending on what the situation is.
but, of course, this will never happen. because "i love my friends" too much.

yes, i hate liars.
doesnt mean i cant lie.
sometimes it is necessary to lie so things can be ok.
sometimes it is better than the truth.
BUT lying is not the way to go.
in the end, it would get out somehow... sometime... in the future.

sometimes, i just want to be... myself.
OR
just someone else..
a totally random person...
that no one knows.
if i act differently around new people whom i havent already met then... that would be interesting!
they dont know who i actually am.... they dont know the real me. and i dont know them. haha... it would be funny and interesting..... hmm.... interesting...

Winter break. one.

so 3 days has passed. yet felt like a week. i am super sleepy. so ttyl.

oh the pain...

i am currently going through two types of pain...
the pain of:
(1) joy - i am happy that tmr is THURSDAY the 17th! last day of finals! it is painful because it is finals week! so much work to get done and studying to do.... all the information did not exactly go inside my head like i wanted it to, but the bad part of it is over so i'm glad. i only have two more finals: fine arts, which is a speech on JOHANN SEBASTIAN BACH (a famous baroque composer...) and the other one is my biblical and traditions class (theology) which is a paper... ish essay type of final. which i still need to study for.

the second pain that i am experiencing is:
(2) physical pain
-sharp stabs throughout the left side of my back...(started like... a long time ago... but it usually goes away without me knowing... but RECENTLY like for 3 weeks now... my back is constantly aching or w/e it is... sitting/standing... so hard to focus. i dont think its my posture! or the way i sit... but yea... not good.. im putting some medicated oil (on myself) and like patches on my back right now to calm it but its not working... )
-my left foot cramping up... (weird, i noticed it started in the summer... like a couple of times... but recently it started again... i dont know what's happening to me.... scary! foot cramping up hurts! like i cant walk! like half your foot is stacked on top of each other... i dont know how to explain it.. but it is not a good feeling...)

thats basically all the recent PROBLEMS i have right now... *sigh*
ok back to studying.

The Phan Files, Episode 2

Kthanksbai

On Thu, Dec 10, 2009 at 1:48 PM, Diane Phan wrote:
Great! That is so wonderful. Hope you will knock it outta the park!

On Thu, Dec 10, 2009 at 1:48 PM, Diane Phan wrote:
I know, but tonight I will embrace my she-wolfness

On Thu, Dec 10, 2009 at 1:48 PM, Diane Phan wrote:

I soo neerrveeus...ghdkfjdskfj.

On Thu, Dec 10, 2009 at 1:47 PM, Diane Phan  wrote:

Oh nothing much, just practicing my speech

On Thu, Dec 10, 2009 at 1:47 PM, Diane Phan wrote:

Hello me again, it's been a while! How do you do?

Quote #10

"Happiness is only real when shared."

                                                - A Friend...

horrible friend...

i am a horrible friend/person!

so i was working on this assignment with a friend and we were going over every single question (50 of them) and when we got to 45... i decided to take a quick "let's close my eyes while laying down" while searching for the answer which was at 12 ish?... and i totally FELL ASLEEP! i didnt wake up until 6:30am!.... isnt that horrible?! i left my friend hanging!!! *sigh* i hate(d) myself for the past few weeks. it has beeen hard.
unnecessary things that happened, which made everything more stressful for me... please go away.

Fwd: Phanny phan phan phannnnn fo fanna fan fan

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Diane Phan 
Date: Fri, Dec 4, 2009 at 12:53 PM
Subject: Re: Phanny phan phan phannnnn fo fanna fan fan
To: Diane Phan


Note to self: never leave computer unattended :)

On Fri, Dec 4, 2009 at 12:52 PM, Diane Phan wrote:

FASHO!

On Fri, Dec 4, 2009 at 12:52 PM, Diane Phan wrote:

I AM the SHEWOLF..........!!

On Fri, Dec 4, 2009 at 12:51 PM, Diane Phan wrote:

You no fun :(

On Fri, Dec 4, 2009 at 12:51 PM, Diane Phan  wrote:

Wtf?!

On Fri, Dec 4, 2009 at 12:51 PM, Diane Phan  wrote:

Knock knock!

On Fri, Dec 4, 2009 at 12:51 PM, Diane Phan  wrote:

Bananas!

On Fri, Dec 4, 2009 at 12:51 PM, Diane Phan wrote:

Who's there?

On Fri, Dec 4, 2009 at 12:50 PM, Diane Phan wrote:

Knock knock!

On Fri, Dec 4, 2009 at 12:50 PM, Diane Phan  wrote:

I love my new crocs, they are so preeeetttyyyyyy :)

On Fri, Dec 4, 2009 at 12:49 PM, Diane Phan  wrote:

Why did 6 eat 7? Because 7,8,9!!!

On Fri, Dec 4, 2009 at 12:49 PM, Diane Phan  wrote:

Where are my lovely friendsies?

On Fri, Dec 4, 2009 at 12:48 PM, Diane Phan wrote:

I enjoy talking to myself :)

On Fri, Dec 4, 2009 at 12:47 PM, Diane Phan wrote:

I love the fans of Phan.

Thao and the Get Down Stay Down!

another cool video! haha i love them! and she is awesome.

Blake Lively!

well since she's gonna be on SNL today... i wanna let everyone know/remind them of how awesome she is! haha this is a clip of her on the JIMMY FALLON SHOW! haha funny people!

Videos Dedicated to ME! haha

haha i thought this was hilarious....

week #1 of hell is over.

well this week was horrible. but i got through it... it wasn't easy though.
now... starting on one of my 4 presentations for next week... *sigh* i dont know man. pretty intense stuff coming up. it should be fine right? i need to pull up my grades or else... something i want to do wont happen for me.

i cant wait for xmas to come. sleep and do nothing! snow too. and maybe hang out with my friends... its a maybe haha. cuz once again, i'm going broke. i dont know how to survive for the next few weeks! *sigh* i need to stay MIA for awhile! haha.

PHOENIX IN PARIS

Phoenix - 1901 - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.



Phoenix - Lizstomania / One time too many - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.


Phoenix - Long distance call - A Take Away Show from La Blogotheque on Vimeo.

100th POST!

I just feel like this bike right now. haha
i want to go on a bike ride...
it would be nice right now
oh. if only the days were warmer.
and if things were easier.
life would be as easy as a FARMER! haha

haha i just wanted to rhyme. anywho time to do work.

black friday

uhhh i'm broke. and none of it was real stuff. just random stuff. *sigh* so lame. but at least i bought stuff right? haha

april 21 is the day.

if you can guess what day it is... you are awesome.

life....

i love it. not.
yes. indeed. i love it.

right now...

i can't wait. to travel. get away from everything.
i can't take it anymore.

Busy week

very very busy this week. i just got my ochem test back today... 43%! hhaaha. not bad for only using 25 mins our the 60 mins that were given... (i was late for class if you didnt know why... haha) *sigh* this is totally my dropped test. with that... that means i have around a 74% in the class... which is BAD! i need to do good on the next exam which is the week after thanksgiving... AND on the final... *sigh* i could still get a B+ or something? hopefully!

uhhh i need to work on my Theology paper that is due on wednesday! that will be a huge part of my grade since i got a B and C on my last two papers... I need a B on this paper... it's too hard to get an A on the papers... she's very anal about everything! haha the final paper should be easy since its just all 3 of the papers put together... gonna be a lot of work still all due the week after thanksgiving!.... I've been acing all the tests/quizzes so that could help me a bit. hopefully an A-/B+ in her class...

i have a fine arts exam on wednesday... *sigh* so lame.

my sister has no school all week! luckky her! wait... i dont have school thursday and friday! haha... yay!

so yea. i need to finish that paper #3 and the ochem lab reportS and notebook write ups that i've been putting off. haha. OH! and my physiology final report and PRESENTATION that i need to work on with d.Le! *sigh* great! so much stuff to do.

(haha i'm posting a lot of stuff. cuz i'm close to the 100th post!)

i wanna see this movie. haha chick-flick-ish-y haha

Leighton meester new video with Robin Thicke! haha

 i say she should stick with acting... watching this makes me not like her anymore... haha and robin thicke too. i wonder what his hot wife at home is thinking!? shoot... not cool...


Somebody To Love - Leighton Meester

UP Women's SOCCER!!!!

I love our soccer team! they are so awesome! makes me wanna play! but i cant cuz they would kill me hahaha

Round 4 (quarter finals!!) UP VS. UCLA! (we lost to them last year.... but we will see this year! GOOD LUCK PILOTS! have fun in california! wish i could go see the game... btw, im still upset/mad that i lost my button from last year...)

Round 3 (UP vs Virginia Tech, 4-1)


Round 2 (UP vs UW, 2-1)


Round 1 (UP vs Denver, 4-0)

another interesting video...

Hurricane Bells - "This Year" Music Video from Hurricane Bells on Vimeo.

I think this is pretty interesting! the leader singer of this band is Ryan Gosling aka the main actor in the notebook! *sigh* haha

The pictures are from a book called "The Gashlycrumb Tinies" by Edward Gorey. pretty creepy. yet interesting. 




more songs from them

old stuff. memories.

wow. reading one of my old diaries from 2005... most of the stuff that i wrote about... still applies! it's crazy. it seems like i havent changed one bit!

RANDOM QUOTE in my diary. 
"I really cherish this friendship! Meeting the two of them was teh best thing in high school! If it wasn't for them two, i would've been a loner! haha! Yea.. I can't believe myself! But they helped me a lot...And i thank then!"

"SHE WOLF"

So today was pretty awesome.

(well yesterday now, i was in the middle of writing this... but i was forced to chow down my tuna salad... that i ACTUALLY made... haha surprising isnt it? it was so good. makes me wanna get some right now. welll anyways... back to why yesterday was so awesome - speaking in past tense from yesterday though. feel like it's more exciting if i do so. haha).

ok. the beginnning of the day was not that great.

1.  i had the new caramel brulee latte at starbucks... and i was getting sick in class. it made me feel sick! haha. i fell asleep in that class too (physio). so bad. so then i went to the library... and SLEPT! while the others were doing their own thing (studying for ochem exam... which is the one that willl make them or break them, meaning dropping that class or not haha). right now... i have a C+/B- in my ochem class... i dont mind if i get a B in that class... it's impossible for me to get an A in that class now, since of that incident that happened on monday... so bad. i was completely screwed either ways.
2. i went to 23rd...again. (two days in a row), but this time was for trader joe! (i think it is the closest one... by UP...) but yea i got some cookies and.. CHOCOLATE! and clif bars! i remember i used to live off of those last year... haha. i'm starting again. after that, i went to fat straw...again. this time i got a banh mi. i want to see all the hype about their bomb banh mi. i didnt think it was bomb... haha but my cousin owns this place... so i'll just keep quiet. haha. i only come for their green milk tea w/ tapioca + egg custard! 
3. i went back to school... and played with my new friends. (it is sad, but they are all freshmen! i feel more... me when i'm around them. haha i blend in so well!) i feel bad cuz we always joke around...IN THE LIBRARY! sometimes, there will be a whole row of asian (us and us) on the balcony... i feel a little weird haha. but recently, we've been moving around the library... i have my own secret spot to go to when i dont want anyone to come see me. but yea... haha the things we do... so funny.
4. so in physiology lab today, there was 2 student projects going... the first one was my friend's effects on blood glucose levels in HIGH, LOW, MEDIUM calories/fat intakers. i got the low calories and they fed me a salad with tomatoes, cucumbers, and i think it might have been balsamic vinegar dressing? but i could be wrong. it was good though. and also a WHole GIANT APPLE! it was hard eating the apple, i told her. haha. and i had to get my fingers pricked 3 times for her project! *everyone who was participating did. haha but still the pain! so funny cuz my professor was the one that pricked all of us... everytime it was my turn... he could sense my tenseness and everyone would stare cuz i was... being "dramatic" about it. haha my friend said, "sorry. this is not payback for last week though..." haha last week i made her drink my instant starbucks coffee for my project! it was pretty nasty.. cuz it was black... i mean i couldnt take it either... it was so strong! and it sucked for her cuz she couldnt drink the creamer that i bought! (it kinda helped to dilute the strong bitternes... but it was still strong!) but yea the other was grilled cheese for high, and... something else for the middle group... our class is awesome!

THIS IS THE MAIN PART
    5.   So finally frisbee class! it has been more than a month w/o going to class due to fall break, scheduling of the fields, and the captain being sick. i was dreading it before going to class today, since i was tired after a long day of... eating and doing random things. BUT i'm glad that i went. cuz we finally are playing mini tournaments, like a ladder... (what we would do in tennis and stuff..) so we counted off by 4... i  was a TWO! pretty awesome. cuz i thought this other girl, who was also a two, is cute/pretty and tall! haha. only us two girls on our team. the other teams has more than two girls which is weird. and it sucks cuz we got stuck playing in the chiles center. i also think one of my guy teammates is pretty cute... haha. *sigh* so bad. but yea we had to share the "gym" with the dance team... so we took half of their space and we conquered the top floor. i ended up in a team with pretty awesome people! my workshop leader from last year is on my team. he is pretty awesome! haha remembers my last name! haha (i knew he was the only one who signed me up cuz no one on my team knew me... but now they do!) yes... well most of them and the opposite team should know who i am now... cuz i am the SHE WOLF! hahaha i was in my element today. even though i was wearing like a button up shirt (assumed we didnt have class today haha), but had my sweat pants and running shoes in the car so its all good. haha. so yea at first i was being "BLAH" about going to class but when i started playing i felt good! adrenaline rush or something. i was like... what they (high school people) used to call me "SHADOW CAT" haha. i guess i was fast and came out of no where. well, so... i guess i made... a lot of "touchdowns" haha it felt nice! runnning for the disk, reaching above my head, jumping up and hoping to catch it right in the touch zone! it's like in those football movies... haha! i caught most of it! and i love it when i knock the disk down in front of someone's face! haha so mean but i like that feeling. (i had a dream about it last night, and my cousin got scared because when i knocked the disk down, i jerked! so she startled and thought i was possessed or something! i woke up thinking wow... i cant believe i dreamt about that! haha) so yea so in the middle of the game... people started calling me SHE WOLF! (because... the dance team was stretching/warming up to "she wolf" by shakira (SEE ABOVE) and my friends were dancing to it before the game began so thats where that came from...) haha so yea... near the end of the game.. we were in the lead... like 15-3 or something hahaha so the captain was like ok... "cap time" or something like taht.. i forgot the terminology! but basically its like in the next 5 minutes, if my team score 2 touchdowns then we can stop the game and we're done! if not then keep playing until... some time. haha but yea... i made the last two touchdowns... in less than 5 minutes!!! haha we were all screaming and yelling GOOD GAME! NICE JOB. ETC... haha pretty awesome... so yea. so my friend/team captain... officially named our team... SHE WOLF... hahaha! so yea yeppie! fun class! haha next next week the others and the rest of the class will see me in my element... i hope!


so yea i got home. got a missed called from my cousin. i knew it was twilight! haha. so we, me sister and cousin, went to see it. it was pretty good. hah i liked it. waited in line for about 30 mins or so until we could get into our seats. haha. it was full. but i didnt think it was a FULL HOUSE. but it got kinda stuffy in there...pretty gross. yea. then went home and showered and sleep! at 4 or so! i slept in my mother's room. i think i will for the rest of the month haha. im sick of my room. for now.


yep. thats all it is. upcoming weeks will be hell! i'm not joking. i need to stop having FUN! hahah

Status Cloud!

haha. i stole this from my facebook... i think it's interesting to see what most of my statuses were about... haha

Winter Song - Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson

Winter Song  <--- Link to the song...

This is my winter song to you
The storm is coming soon
it rolls in from the sea
My voice a beacon in the night
My words will be your light
to carry you to me

Is love alive? (2x)
Is love?

They say that things just cannot grow
beneath the winter snow,
or so I have been told

They say were buried far
just like a distant star
I simply cannot hold.

Is love alive? (3x)

This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
cause you're not where you belong
inside my arms.

bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
bum bum bum bum bum bum
bum bum bum bum bum bum

I still believe in summer days.
The seasons always change
and life will find a way.

Ill be your harvester of light
and send it out tonight
so we can start again.

Is love alive? (3x)

This is my winter song.
December never felt so wrong,
cause you're not where you belong
inside my arms.

This is my winter song to you.
The storm is coming soon
it rolls in from the sea

My love a beacon in the night.
My words will be your light
to carry you to me.

Is love alive?
(repeat)

ONE REPUBLIC

I love One Republic! Their new album: WAKING UP. totally awesome.

Resemblance

Just looking at old photos.
My dad's style kind of resemble mine.
It's kind of freaky, yet cool at the same time.
I see my mom in me too.
haha, oh how stupid were those statements!
of course i have genes from my mother and father!

anywho, this is how i function at 4 in the morning! (people who spends the night and stay up with me, should know... i am SUPER DUPER weird around 5 am but it's funny haha).

so i fell asleep. haha.

now in physiology lecture. it is so boring! and i think the lack of sleep has an effect on this too.
8:10s are bad for my health.
i am hungry right now.
everyone is too busy to get fatstraw with me...

well i just got back to school. fat straw was good. havent had it in a while.
Escape from NY Pizza was good too! last time i had it was with a friend, maybe 1.5 years ago. haha.
Parking was a BUTT today. i went around for 30 or so minutes! then i gave up and went to UO to pick up some polaroid film... BUT THEY ARE OUT! so sad. that was my last and only resort! *SIGH*

Today, in workshop, i feel like there is a connection between me and my class! haha i'm happy. even though, i suck at teaching them, they all are really nice. Most of the time, i will be asking them questions rather than they ask me! haha i feel so stupid. But in a way, i am helping some of them... so im happy. there are 2 kids who are good at explaining so i pick on them all the time. haha it helps me and the other kids in class. there is this one girl... who stopped showing up since the 3rd week... but i dont blame her. it's not like i'm all that helpful haha. but yes... 3/4 more weeks left until we part. i will miss them haha.

but yea. my memory is gettting really bad. like today i repeated something... 3 times... to the same person... (each time i saw them... ) it's werid how i dont remember things like that anymore... i think my memory receptors need to get stimulated more often mostly my short term... i tend to remember long term stuff.. quite well... hahaha.

haha funnny cuz this post was made throughout today... thats why you see random stuff in different paragraphs... welll i think i'm done. nothing really new with me except how i failed my ochem test... since i had only 30 mins to do the whole test... and how i'm excited for thanksgiving... and christmas... sad cuz i realized... that this year will be my year where i wont get people/my friends anything... i wont have the money... since mother is not home... and im at the point where... everything is gone... i need to learn how to conserve! im sad. well i hope in that sense, that i will get what i want... meaning nothing from my friends. seriously. winter break will be awesome this year... me and my bed! haha.

quote #9

Good friends are those who are there for you no matter the circumstances.

- A friend.

Things I'm Giving up.....& quote #8

So recently decided to give up FB (deactivated it) and AIM. Twitter and Blogger is the only exceptions. haha. since i cant really get distracted from it unless im doing what im doing right now... posting on it.... haha. which i will stop soon cuz i have a lot of work to do this week and next and the following week and the week after that! basically not free until Dec.17! *sigh* a whole month! stressful. people are contemplating on whether or not to WITHDRAW from organic chemistry.... i, on the other hand... will not. even if i have a C! people need to chill. a C isnt that bad. i had TWO Cs in college so far... and im not stressing over it... even though i should cuz now i cant get into med school OR dental school.... what am i gonna do!? *sigh* life is hard. why does everything need to be so complicated?! i'll come up with something soon, i hope. if things weren't based on other things... life would be a breeze. maybe that's why it is the way it is... need to add some excitement into life... hahah....

well i am hungry. but im lazy to get food. no one to bring me food. *sigh* sad. will i survive? hopefully. it's only a month. it happens every year. sometimes twice a year... i should be used to it. but why do i still feel like this? maybe it's just the first day.... *sigh* hope all is well.


PS- i feeel like this next quote is very true for some parts... for me at least. it's only because i can't let go of the past that easily. again, im still learning. sometimes, im at the point where its all forgotten until something triggers it and again.. that feeling stimulates... and then everything comes back... i just hate that! i've mentioned this a lot, but sometimes i want someone to hit my head really hard... so i can get amnesia or something... so i can forget things. it would be great if i could forget the things i dont want in my head, but at the same time, i dont want to forget the happy things in my past. *sigh* but! with the future, i can make new happy memories so thats where im coming from when i saw i want someone to hit my head. if my happy memories are still apart of me after it's gone... it should come back... (i hope that made sense... haha) well here's the quote!


“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

—	Neil Gaiman

Am I a Jinx!?

I've been wrong. about a lot of things. I've been worrying about something that was not needed. It was at the right path though, my past.

I know that now is not the time to be writing on here. School is more important (at least for the next couple of weeks!), but I cannot concentrate with all this stress that is on my shoulders right now, all the guilt? the sins? the thoughts that i get randomly... I dont know. But I feel that if I don't tell anyone about this, I will eventually blow up or do something bad. Maybe I'm just thinking too much, like I always do. What I'm about to say is the main point of this post. I'm shaking. Sad. Regretting my old words. I dont know what to do. But here it is:

That post is like a foreshadow for how I'm feeling right now. Indeed, it is a He. I feel guilty. Because right now, I feel like I've put a curse on this:
my ex-lover.
he has died.
and i never got to say
"Goodbye" or
"I love you" or
"I miss you" or
get that last hug...

I dont know what to do. I cant do anything! *sigh* Why am I being punished? What have I done wrong? Everyone is leaving/has left me. Why does it have to happen at this time? Why? Why is it that every time I'm getting settled in my life for a slight moment, something unfortunate has to happen to me?

and why not me?
I wished it were me, instead.
My tears wont do any good.
Please make it stop. *sigh*

We were young. Times were easy. Now you're gone....
Rough times, now. But all i can do is smile and go through this myself. I think.

Relieving Stresssss.....

FORGIVE MY PROFANITY.

I HATED THAT WORD.... AND I STILL DO.

Quote #5,6,7

“Writing is a form of therapy; sometimes I wonder how all those, who do not write, compose, or paint can manage to escape the madness, the melancholia, the panic fear, which is inherent in a human condition.”

—	Graham Greene

“Love is needing someone. Love is putting up with someone’s bad qualities because they somehow complete you.”

—	Sarah Dessen

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.
Delicious Ambiguity.”

—	Gilda Radner

Taylor Swift Monologue

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

The 7th of November

So I want to get one of these posters for my wall collection! haha. my wall is not empty no more! since my mom wont let me paint my walls, i'll put stuff on it. haha.

So this movie, NEW YORK, I LOVE YOU... is actually pretty good. It wasnt straightforward and definitely not one story. It was more abstract and contained 11 different stories (segments).

1. The Pickpocket scene with Hayden Christensen, Rachel Bilson, and Andy Garcia!
   
2. The Ring/Wedding scene... with Natalie Portman and some indian guy... weird scene, cuz she had a weird intimate moment with that indian guy and she married... a different indian guy... hahah
   
3. Music/Book scene w/ Orlando Bloom and the big eyes girl... uhhh i love him and his pants! but just him in general... haha. i dont care if he was living in a lame home or messy. he's still hot!
   
4. Pickup Artist/Writer w/ Maggie Q and Ethan Hawke! he is so funny! i love this scene i laughed so much. and she is pretty damn hot! haha. she's getting a lil old though. but i loved her in NAKED WEAPON (good movie, i think it's rated R though.... hahah).
   
5. Prom Night - the boy is the guy from star trek, with the funny accent... haha. this was pretty funny too. the belt and the tree branch... "make a wish" hahaha!!!
6. One Night Stand scene which jumps back and forth with Bradley Cooper and this one lady... haha very.... sexy. i mean him. haha he has a nice bod!
   
7. The Hotel scene with Shia La Beouf and this old woman - I do not get this segment at all! this was a pretty interesting scene in the movie. i need to go look this up. haha. i know its something about loneliness and stuff. but yea....
   
8. The "Manny"? or the black father and white daughter - this was pretty sweet. i think. it sucks to be him though.
   
9. Painter/Artist looking for inspiration? - this scene had ShuQi in it. and some random old man who likes to draw her... i cant believe what happened to him. but it was foreseen. so sad. you never know what would happen in life. the minute you see them, the next you might not! gotta cherish the people around you.
   
10. Husband+Wife on a corner of a street pretending to be strangers so their love life would get/be more interesting? haha i guess that's what i got from it! gotta mix things around and be different. cant be bored... with the same thing...
    
11. The Old couple! i think this was funnny too. and cute and sweet! *sigh* i wonder if i would be like this when im old and with my husband... haha it would be nice...
    

There were some transition stories like the guy with the complaining girlfriend, saying he never takes her anywhere! haha i think its cool how he bought her tickets to ROME! and first class - coach! haha.

But yea i think that was it... THis movie is a rendition of PARIS, JE T'AIME! In my perspective it is better than the Paris one. I fell asleep watching the paris one. but yes. i like this movie even though the reviews were bad. good thing i went to watch this. otherwise, i would have missed something coool about new york... it's one of the cities of love! hhaah common theme? i'd say trying to connect with people and finding love!

So other than this movie today, I went to see my dad. It has been awhile. almost a year. this time i didnt go by myself. i had my friends come with me. I'm glad they went. I never ask my friends to go with me cuz i feel weird asking them to go to a cemetery... it's not normal... haha my sister was like... why are you telling your friends to go? it's not like you're marrying them or anything! it's like meeting the parents.... what a lil nonsensical and senseless girl! anywho, it was awesome that they went even though it was pouring down rain and cold... they still went. it means a lot to me. they all know that when it comes to my father i get emotional about things haha. i was gonna do a speech today in front of them, like introducing everyone to my dad and vice versa. but i couldnt do it. i didnt want to break down in front of them. so i did it in my head. it was a lil funny. also, i didnt want to take long cuz again it was RAINING HARD! haha i got all wet... but i said a lot of things to dad. it helped me a lot. told him about my friends. prayed for them and yea... asked him to help me and guide me. show me the path that i need to go as if he was still here. i guess i'm still bitter about the fact that i never had a father or a father figure person in my life. i envy others who do and dont cherish it. but i guess that's how it is for everything, you dont appreciate the things you have until it's gone! i think this might be one reason why i try so hard to not lose things. like i try too hard to keep things right and good. like i dont want to lose my friends or my family. i've lost too many. and it hurts. maybe that's why i'm so weak when it comes to breaking up, moving away, etc... but anyways the point here is i have good friends. hahah.

So we went Everywhere today to eat!

1. MoJo crepes
   
2. Gary's bakery?
   
3. Elephant's Delicatessen
   
4. Sansai? sushi place...
   
5. Skinnidip!
6. Pix!
   

What a day. eat too much. fatties we are. haha. fun times. it's always nice to hang out with my friends (for me).

Btw, if you've read my previous post (halloween one), i am sorry. for making you worry. about me. it was just a segment of my feelings. thoughts. stuff that is hard for me to say aloud. i will try to post happy stuff from now on. to prevent you, my friends, from worrying. about me.

Quote #4

"Any person with any imagination is bound to be afraid." -F. Scotts Fitzgerald.

After Tonight

ah. satisfied.
i have come to an epiphany that i have been looking for (since the beginning/the start of this blog).
time to start a new self. this realization is awesome. haha.

Bad Dream I Had

I wake up, it's a bad dream,
No one on my side,
I was fighting
But I just feel too tired
to be fighting,
guess I'm not the fighting kind.

Today is...

the 5th!

i am happy at this time in the day.
i think i have bipolar disorder. haha.

Halloween

wow. halloweeen. lets seee what can i say about this. random and disappointing yet i loved it cuz i was hanging out with my friends. not just any friends, but people who i dont get to see often. nowadays, it seems like i never do get to see anybody anyways... but i was happy. As you can see... i was a FARMER! haha. my costume = my nerdy urban outfitters glasses, my OLD NAVY overalls (size 16 in kids... haha), my plaid shirt from AE, and my sister's Hat. oh... and eye liner for my beard. haha i loved it. it was random but i thought it was awesome. every one at the party was all dressed up all girly... haha i felt a lil weird that i was the only girl who went... all HALLOWEEN-Y. haha

so i came with a couple of people. Ty (Mrs Potts - who i just met.. on that day...), Anna - luigi! i sew on her buttons for her costume! and Alyssa - Mario! pretty cool costumes. haha



Well, i might steal some more pictures... but sadly, i didnt get to take any more pictures... i was out of it by the time people came... man, i'm so weak. BUT here is my promise: NO MORE! haha. that night was embarrassing enough. my friend's boyfriend had to carry me out of the house... that was so embarrassing. *sigh* i ruined their halloween! hahha. i shoulda just stayed there and sleep it off. but no, i dont know what i was thinking.... i had to pick my friend. i wonder what would have become of me and what would happened if i didnt go with them... hmm something i would never find out.

sometimes, i wonder, if my decisions are good and what other people want it to be. its so hard to read people's mind. at least for me, i cant do it anymore. some people i can just like that, but for others... i would have trouble or even never know what they are thinking or like.

i have regrets &secrets.

• the past was great, heartbreaking, sad, happy, memorable, free and young, done stupid things and made mistakes. from all those ups and downs, we grew. you and i, we were different people, & we still are. yet we are still the same. in a way, college has turned you into a complete stranger. you are not the same to me. and you will never be. like i said, we grew. becoming different is not the reason for my indifference toward you. it's just that now, you dont need me anymore. or thats how i feel and it hurts. my emotions/feelings are really strong for how i deal with things in my life. maybe that's the reason why, i cant move on fast enough. the stuff i say externally, is just a disguise for my true self, the internal reasoning of everything.
  

who can this be?
my ex-lover.
he has died.
and i never got to say
"Goodbye" or
"I love you" or
"I miss you" or
get the last hug...

i have sins. pins, bins, tins, and wins.

• so many things has happened.
  
• i hate liars, but i have lied. i lied to keep things good. i lied so i dont get hurt. i lied to myself.
• the days are coming to an end. i have to stay strong. for Him.
  
• i use to think "how can i live w/o you?"
• but i have to live in order to win Him back. (if that makes sense).
  
• living = winning.
  
• dont want to die & waste your life away.
  

I will miss Him.

[this post may or may not make sense to you. it is ok. no need to fret. nothing bad will happen]

The guy in here... is HOT!
Daniel "cloud" Campos

The Cast of Gossip Girl!

Chace, Ed and Penn by Kenneth Cappello

Blake Lively and Leighton Meester

Cover of ELLE Korea!!!

I love them! haha CHUCK AND BLAIR!!!

Quote #3

“If someone betrays you once, it’s their fault; if they betray you twice, it’s your fault.”

—	Eleanor Roosevelt

Stressed out

I'm so stressed out with life right now.
i should be writing 2 important papers right now.
but i'm not because i'm so stressed out i dont know where to start!
i feel like something has been messing around with me.
not God, of course.
But i feel like he might be punishing me for something that i did.
or he may be giving me signs about... CARS! especially all the traffic i've been getting into.
3 days in a row already.
caused me my show "Ragtime" to be postponed! i wanted/needed to see it today so i could have it out of the way, now i have to see it on Thursday. which decreases my time to finish the papers that i should be starting soon/done with.
*sigh* i'm glad ochem exam was over or else i would be freaking out even more!
*sigh* ok. done releasing my stress... now onto writing papers/lab reports!

Quote #2

It is sad to think that...

The Beginning of my... [Blank]? Quote #1

"Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

This Emotional Life | Porcupine Love

CLICK HERE!

this is awesome. i think this is so true... or it's what i do at least...

Richard Kelly’s The Box Movie Trailer | /Film

Richard Kelly’s The Box Movie Trailer | /Film

Posted using ShareThis

@ 2.22 pm on 8/11/09

nov. 6th

i want to watch "the box" !!!!

Devious, Calculated, Deceitful, etc...

The continuation of the type of person I hate most [look at the title of this post].

People. Homo sapiens. People. Human Beings. People. They are all scary.
You never know what type of People are out they and you never know when you [will] meet them.
As far as my memory goes, I have never befriended someone who "cheated" me.
"Cheated" and "Used" are two separate things for me.

CHEATED

• Steals my money and FLEE! [or just act like nothing happened and don't know about it]
• Being lied to.
  
• Not knowing that the person you're "nice" to has a different agenda and you're just a pawn.
  

USED

• Asks for rides just so you can get somewhere.
  
• "Borrows" money and never returns it.
  
• Being my friend just so you can cheat off of me!
• You are too nice to say "No."
  
• This is more of a "You know you are being treated bad, BUT/AND you are willing to do it/stay."
  
  

So this is my definitions/examples of "CHEATED" and "USED."
You get used more in life than cheated (in my opinion) because it is easier!
It sucks to know that you got "Cheated!"
It can be anyone. A friend of a friend. A long lost friend. A distant relative. & Even your best friend since high school! (I mean, who would have thought! all these people... *sigh*)

There are two stories that I want to tell, relating to being cheated.
The first one goes a little something like this:
There once was a girl named M. She was a week away from getting married! She had 2 bridesmaid and the maid of honor, who was her best friend since high school named A. The lucky and awesome groom bought her an expensive ring, Price: 2,000. He gave M the money. M puts it in her purse, with A in the room. A day before the wedding, THE MONEY WAS GONE. Who could have taken it? Everyone looked everywhere for it! It was no where to be found. The only person that knew about the money other than M and the groom was A! She didn't confess. The wedding was fun. But A couldnt be trusted with anything throughout that night. They never spoke to each other again...

STORY #2:
4 people: Boss 1, Boss 2, Hi, and Lo.
Lo works for Boss 1.
Boss 1 is friends with Boss 2.
Lo and Hi are best friends.
They all became friends.
Boss 1 treats Lo really bad at work. Makes Lo clean the toilet when it's not Lo's job, which is to cook. Lo is sick of working for Boss 1.
Something happened between Boss 1 and Boss 2. They have some beef going on. They stopped talking.
Boss 2 talks to Lo. Persuading Lo to become a Boss instead of being a lousy servant.
This sounds good with Lo. Hi and Lo talked. They both agreed!
Lo goes to Boss 1 to QUIT! Boss 1 pleaded Lo to stay and said sorry! But no, Lo was sick of it.
Now, Boss 2, Hi, and Lo are friends. They go have fun. Boss 2 showed them a place to go make plans for the two new Bosses, Hi and Lo.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, this Boss 2, creates trouble for Lo and Hi. Dissing them. Calling them stupid pigs who sits at home and know nothing about the world.
Hi and Lo are so confused. They don't know what to do! They prayed to God asking for some guidance on whether or not they should continue on with this plan.
Lo finally figured it out/put things together, the new place does not cost 35,000! They are being cheated!
Luckily Lo was smart and quickly backed out before it was too late!
Hi and Lo stopped talking to Boss 2. Lo regretted quitting Boss 1. Lo can't go back now.
Nothing to do, but to look for a new job!

So just as a reminder, in this world, you can't trust anyone! There is only you who you can rely on, and then there is GOD. Sometimes family can do you wrong. Therefore, trust no one but yourself.

The Coming of FALL BREAK!

Wow. the past few days at school were so long! one day i was like... "IT'S ONLY WEDNESDAY!?" haha horrible horrible week. But it's all over now. i was so glad it was friday when it was friday. haah. i got out of class at 11! it was awesome. i did some last minute things. Ate at Thai Ginger with some people. then i went home, took a nap. Met up with some people to go eat at Esan! man it was like a freakin' THAI FOOD ALL YOU CAN EAT DAY! and seriously. i really do hate thai food WITH A PASSION! but i'll still go just to hang out. unless something is wrong and i'm being a lame ass then i would refuse to go. anywho, after thai food, had dessert aka skinnidip! always good. i dont know why other people dont like it. w/e different people, different taste. we can't expect people to like everything you like! now that wouldnt be fun would it!? welll after that, i realized that the people that i was supposed to meet at OSU, didnt even leave PDX yet when i was about to leave! on the way there, there were no cops, some lame traffic, a lame car with two lame guys trying to mess around with me (that was scary). but no worries, got to OSU safely, without a scratch. sadly, my front right tire got FLAT! had the guys fix it for me. haha... it was like a bad saturday. my friend's car's tire was torn! so he had to go buy a new tire. so sad... just our luck! it was a fun weekend though. get to chill with friends, learned how to play BP (still vague...) and king's Cup! haha.

overall, it was a dramatic weekend. i got scared 3 times i think, 1) knocking on the bathroom door when i was using it, 2) chris flinging a "rat" aka a freakin leaf at me and i screamed, 3) my friend's boyfriend freakin scared me when i walked passed the hallway, dropped my stuff and ran away. haha. man i get scared so easily! it felt like my heart jumped out of my body!

haha random but my mother just called me "princess!" my friend is right! i get treated like one at home and there! thanks a lot though. seriously, i dont know what to do! i dont cook cuz i dont need to. i feel like i could if i try and need to do it. but home is home, food is already made by the mothers. no need for some burnt stuff made by amateurs.

had a talk about boyfriends, uhhh i dont want one as for the moment. i feel like if i do get one, it would ruin many/a lot of my friendships with people. you can say that im the type of person that would do anything for her friends, no matter what. i'm very loyal, therefore, my bf would take over me haha. i'm not gonna lie, but a lot/ almost everyone say that "I won't let my bf/gf get in the way of our friendship" but usually it does! no matter how hard you try, that other friend(s) would still feel awkward around you guys or even just around you. so yea. boyfriend, i'm not ready for.
sometimes, things dont go the way you want it to go. and all you can do is JUST LET GO! there's nothing to do when it is time to let go, but to LET GO! haha i hope that makes sense. i'm being hypocritical cuz i need to let go... of things too. it's just really hard. you dont know how hard it is until you feel it. no one will ever get me. man, suddenly im getting emotional. i didnt think talking about this topic would get me tearing up! i've given up, let go of things... things that i shouldnt even think about anymore, but it's still there. why?! it seems like i have a problem. no one knows about it. its not that i dont trust my friends to tell/talk to them about this. its becasue im scared. i dont know waht to think anymore. *sigh* i've just been keeping this to myself cuz i'm so afraid of what's gonna happen later on. hurting myself is the best solution.

anywho, iono why i ended up talking about this. people said i changed. i myself, dont think so. or maybe i did!? but to me, i think it depends on the time. the time as in: what day, what occasion, or where/what we are doing...? AND my mood, if im pissed off, i can be the tension of the atmosphere. if im happy, then no worries. if im annoyed, you better not annoy me some more, or else i'll be an ass to you. i hate people crying, therefore, i try not to cry in front of people. makes thing less awkward for other people! gotta be considerate now! i cant always be selfish! can't always think about myself! i hate it when people plan ahead to get things their way... it's so devious! oh i hate those type of people.

now onto something a lil bit different. i have a thing with attraction. if there is one, i'll fight for you. sometimes, i would be wrong. wrong meaning, you're the wrong person for me, i cant be your friend. i figure this out usually at first sight. but my last case, it took me 2 months. i dont regret it. it was just a waste of my time. a waste of my effort. a waste of my sincerity. all this to find that this person is thee biggest jerk/asshole/bitch/etc!!! i think i'm done with fighting. i've lost too many. i dont want to fight anymore...

isn't it funny how this weekend made me think about so many things!?

Thao and the Get Down Stay Down

one of my favorite bands!

here's one of Thao Nguyen's new song: When We Swam

october 10th.

well, today is my dad's birthday, 58 if i'm not mistaken. i know this might be all over fb and twitter, but it's a big deal for me. sometimes i dont know what to think. it's always sad for me to think about it, the fact that my dad is gone and was not in my life for 17 years. the first 2.5 years does not count at all since i do not remember anything at all! sometimes i ask God why he had to take him away so early. why cancer? why? there are so many things that i do not understand when it comes to this. it is not fair. but life is not fair is it?

well i've been getting good at letting go of the past. my dad is one of them. the positive way of thinking about this is: I'm glad God took him away to be with Him, instead of living here being in pain and suffering. i guess it was time.
i'm glad i had that 2.5 years with him before he left us. i feel bad for my sister, who barely spent time with him, 4 months... i wonder how she feels. i dont ask because it's not the subject that i want to bring up and talk about... i know we are both sensitive people... so yea.
the only thing i can do now is to pray for blessings and grace, and hope that God and my dad and my grandmas are looking after me and the rest of the family.

well i cant forget about my dad's twin! it's his birthday too. hope he's doing well.
it's sad because i dont talk to my dad's side of the family often. i dont know why. maybe because i didnt grow up with them, which makes sense cuz dad wasnt here... but now i'm beginning to not talk to my mom's side either. i guess when you grow up you tend to grow far apart from your family... maybe it's just me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD & UNCLE PHU!

pain

it's one of those times again. where pain comes into play in my life... weekly! if im lucky, monthly.
oh it hurts.
is it the food?
is it the lack of exercise?
is it the lack of sleep?
is it due to deterioration?
or is it for being sinful?
no remedy, no doctor, can fix this.
(but what do i know... since i dont seek help)

what is it you might ask?
the pain - physically, spiritually and mentally.



PS - just something random I thought about recently...
wouldnt it be scary to find out that your friend/lover/iono bf, gf, bff, etc... have been lying to you about who they are for most of the relationship? that would be scary. lies are no good. it wouldnt be good if the person found out the truth. and it wouldnt be good if the person doesnt find out, cuz you are only lying to yourself at that point. so why was i thinking about this topic? cuz i hate liars. i know i lied in the past. more like digression. but i like things to be truthful from now on. but who listens!? blah blah blah...

Updates!

Homecoming game night 10/02/09

Pictures taken from Brian Vu

Homecoming NIGHT 10/03/09

"Toast to the night!" ___________ Pictures taken from Brian Vu

This was pretty much the highlight of the week! (my week, at least)
Homecoming wasn't that great for me, but for the boys I think it was great. (Don't know about Chris though, sorry! It was so hot and I'm not a dancing person... haha)

Anywho, today, monday, I got my test in Ochem back... 87%! way better than my first one, which was 67%? haha. If it wasn't for my lame doubts, I would have gotten an A! 96% or something! OH well, next test! For bib trad (biblical tradition & culture, Theology 205), I got 98% on the first exam! haha. Freaking out on the paper that is due this week and the QUIZ! FYI, this is not an easy class; one of the hardest class at UP! *sigh* Physiology is not starting out too well. need to change that F to an A! (that's the spirit!).

Time to let go, and MOVE ON! - there's no point in thinking of the past when it's already over. Once it's over, relax and enjoy the rest of your day/life. The main point is to enjoy learning new things and understanding it rather than caring/sweating over the GRADE and forget everything later on! Just something my dean told me when I went to him for an interview about study abroad. Interesting guy with interesting questions. For those who don't know, I'm planning on going to London this summer - taking 6 credits of upper division biology over there for about 6 weeks. I dont know if it's a good idea, but right now, my heart is wanting to go. So, I'm just following my heart for the time being.

So, I can't wait for Fall break! Not because of my birthday. It's never because of that. I remember last year, I totally forgot about my birthday until someone talked about it like 2 days before it. This year, it's totally different! Everyone is just asking "what do you want for your bday!?" It's nice of them, but really, I really want nothing. Hanging out with friends and PEACE&LOVE! haha. If you can find me a nice boy, that would be great! JK. don't want a boyfriend yet. I feel like, it wont be anytime soon. Being in a relationship, messes w/ friendships. It's either Boy/Girl vs. Friends. I hate that. But i guess, i need to grow up. cant have friends there with me forever! at some point, they will leave. depends on the lame time.

but enough about this. TIME FOR HW/STUDYING!
:)