I want this... again.

Photo by: Trang Nguyen

Wrong or Right!?

So something came up. Has to do with my grandma.
she died. my freshmen year in HS. That was a big hit on me.
I was really close to her. I would go to her house everyday after school since... elementary school! (cuz we moved away, otherwise i would still be livin' with her)
but yea so anywho. she had cancer.
i think it runs in the family. kinda.
my father had cancer.
my grandma had cancer (mother's mother).
my grandma (father's mother) died of old age? she was 90 years old i think. april 23rd, 2007? was when she died. since 2010 is her 3 year memorial... in VN that i was asked to go to... but yea i saw her once. when i was 10. which was the first time i've been to VN.
my grandpa (mother's father) died a long time ago... i forgot why he did. sick probably.
my grandpa (father's father) is still alive! currently living in VN. i saw him that one time i went to VN.

so anywho here's what's happening. my grandma's grave (mother's side) is on a land that we bought. and we made a tombstone type of dealio. very big i guess... as people over there would say how "rich people" would do it. so now the priest over there is trying to make us crush that down and bring up the coffin and move my grandma into a different coffin and BUY another piece of land on the empty side of the cemetery and make it like "my dad's cemetery" up in happy valley/clackamas. like burying the people UNDERGROUND! instead of having a pop out coffin like box. which takes a lot of space...

Can they do this?
Isnt it messed up to bring up the dead again!?
unrespectful!?
is this a catholic thing to do?!
why bother digging up those graves and wasting more of THE PEOPLE'S MONEY that they dont have in VN!?

this is nonsense, is it not?!
tell me what you think!?

Wishes there's a brain scanner that interpretes scramble thoughts into a sentence. I hate not being able to say what I want to say bc i don't know how to say. I hate being asian sometimes.

Family Gathering

Sunday. Did not go to church. Cuz i was so tired from sleeping all day the day before! and watched movies: ALL ABOUT STEVE and yea...

I did not get out of bed until... 4 ish? haha
was about to go to church, but mother decided to go to uncles house!
so we went and we ate... FOOD! we made crab...but i did not eat it cuz i dont like crab. there was papaya salad that was SPICY as HELL! but i liked it... hhaha so i ate a lot of that... and bun bo hue? and other stuff... a lot of seafood! but no OYSTERS! i was saddened! haha

hanged out with the little cousins upstairs... tried to get them all together for a polaroid picture, but none of them would stay still and no one wanted to take pictures! (later on they wanted to, but i was "pissed off" or something so i kinda yelled at them... haha)

hanged out with the older cousins and uncles at the table... talked about:
Boys ----- how they are animals when they are drunk (this is coming from my very mature, awesome, soon-to-be doctor cousin and uncle-in-law). boys can be really nice and a good person when they are not under the influence, but when they are, us girls, need to be careful and not let them take advantage of us! we can go have fun, but the important thing is TO NOT LET THEM TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU!!! thanks for the advice boys. haha
What a "man" should do #1 ----- so... according to them, a man should be the one sacrificing for the girl. it is NEVER the OPPOSITE! if the girl is sacrificing more for the boy, then she needs to stop and find someone else because that guy is not worth it. he probably only wants to get some and thats it..  he doesnt "love" you enough...so why bother. like my cousin, he was dating his wife and she went to OSU, so every weekend, he would drive all the way to OSU to be with her... after work, which was after 11pm! man i did not know that. haha. but wow that was pretty crazy... (ps - it took him 6 months to hold her hand... hahah JK he said.., but patience is a good quality to have)

What a "man" should do #2 ----- he should be paying for the girl/lady/woman... NO MATTER WHAT! (even if you're poor!) NEVER LET THE GIRL PAY FOR ANYTHING!!! my uncle-in-law (pretty funny guy) said that he was really poor when he was dating my aunt and he was like sorry but i cant afford to take you out to expensive places, but we can go to SUBWAY! haha at least he was true to her! and being honest! and PAID still haha.

Friends ----- make good friends. and if we do go out and party or go clubbing, remember to look out for each other. especially watch out for SPIKED DRINKS!!! haha and BOYS!

yea we talked about other things too.. but this is what i remember right now.
oh. a family trip to Vietnam in 2011? i dont know yet... i have a feeling i cant go then... but we'll see.
uhh talked about careers...

BTW, they were drinking Jägerbomb w/ rockstar! and Courvoisier VSOP (cognac)... i was surprised! with the Jägermeister! it was their first time at home. AND it was my first Jägerbomb! it was pretty GOOD! i actually liked it. haha (of course my family doesnt know that i drink...before haha)

 well then there was the trip to VN talk. same old drama. MONEY MONEY MONEY! my mom didnt have a fun happy trip... full of drama. *siigh* and she "disowned" her sister-in-law... haha oh how i dislike my family in VN...

Overall, it was a fun day today. i like family bonding time...

........

ugh. some people can be so... LAME!

sometimes, i dont feel like trying no more.
i think i'm caring less nowadays...

for instance, if i got a C back in the day... i would totallly freak out... now, it's just... "oh a C... how nice, i passed..."
im losing it.
which is not good at all.
i dont know what to do with myself anymore.
my dreams are impossible to reach.

& i'm losing the people i care about through different ways.
(lying, cheating, hiding things like THE TRUTH+secrets, not being honest, & simply the lost of communication!)
i saw it coming.
i just never wanted it to come true... or admitted the real fact/truth...
i think i started losing them when i was in high school...
and i'm still in the process of losing.
(i have to admit, HS wasn't "fun," it was just nice to finally have some real friends. that is probably the only reason why i liked HS so much. i was a loner throughout elementary+middle school. i had friends, but were they really friends? just a bunch of little tattle talers, self absorbed, selfish, and mischievous kids. PLUS the drama that came along with it. i think i made some good friends in HS. just think about how different i would be if i went to Grant!? (my 2nd choice). I dont know if anything that happened was right, but it's fate? haha whatever happened happened. cant go back now. And i dont know what will happen in the future, tomorrow or even in a minute... but i'll let fate decide... my decisions do matter... but who knows... sometimes things doesnt go as planned. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I GOT TO THIS MATTER OF FATE... ANYWHO! HS was HS. Glad all the people i dont want to see is not in my life anymore haha pretty messed up but it's true. some people were just so annoying and... fake. btw, i dislike FAKE people! i mean a lot of people are... but theres a limit... like... for me, i act differently around different people... is that consider fake? haha i am still me though... SOME people are totally TWO different people! sometimes... i get scared... but anywho i am done with HS. just wanted to mention that because... OH because HS was the time period where i started losing people... thats right. family, friends, old AND new).

again, i think it's time for me to give up.
& let things be...
most importantly,
letting things go...
always has been my problem
& probably will always be my problem.
im always returning to square #1... losing that epiphany that i thought i gained... but in reality, it's just me imagining it or wanting it so badly that i put it in my head thinking that i have it... haha hopefully that made sense.

anywho... i dont know why i started writing about this... oh nvm. i do.
because of PEOPLE.

oh the pain...

i am currently going through two types of pain...
the pain of:
(1) joy - i am happy that tmr is THURSDAY the 17th! last day of finals! it is painful because it is finals week! so much work to get done and studying to do.... all the information did not exactly go inside my head like i wanted it to, but the bad part of it is over so i'm glad. i only have two more finals: fine arts, which is a speech on JOHANN SEBASTIAN BACH (a famous baroque composer...) and the other one is my biblical and traditions class (theology) which is a paper... ish essay type of final. which i still need to study for.

the second pain that i am experiencing is:
(2) physical pain
-sharp stabs throughout the left side of my back...(started like... a long time ago... but it usually goes away without me knowing... but RECENTLY like for 3 weeks now... my back is constantly aching or w/e it is... sitting/standing... so hard to focus. i dont think its my posture! or the way i sit... but yea... not good.. im putting some medicated oil (on myself) and like patches on my back right now to calm it but its not working... )
-my left foot cramping up... (weird, i noticed it started in the summer... like a couple of times... but recently it started again... i dont know what's happening to me.... scary! foot cramping up hurts! like i cant walk! like half your foot is stacked on top of each other... i dont know how to explain it.. but it is not a good feeling...)

thats basically all the recent PROBLEMS i have right now... *sigh*
ok back to studying.

week #1 of hell is over.

well this week was horrible. but i got through it... it wasn't easy though.
now... starting on one of my 4 presentations for next week... *sigh* i dont know man. pretty intense stuff coming up. it should be fine right? i need to pull up my grades or else... something i want to do wont happen for me.

i cant wait for xmas to come. sleep and do nothing! snow too. and maybe hang out with my friends... its a maybe haha. cuz once again, i'm going broke. i dont know how to survive for the next few weeks! *sigh* i need to stay MIA for awhile! haha.

black friday

uhhh i'm broke. and none of it was real stuff. just random stuff. *sigh* so lame. but at least i bought stuff right? haha

april 21 is the day.

if you can guess what day it is... you are awesome.

Busy week

very very busy this week. i just got my ochem test back today... 43%! hhaaha. not bad for only using 25 mins our the 60 mins that were given... (i was late for class if you didnt know why... haha) *sigh* this is totally my dropped test. with that... that means i have around a 74% in the class... which is BAD! i need to do good on the next exam which is the week after thanksgiving... AND on the final... *sigh* i could still get a B+ or something? hopefully!

uhhh i need to work on my Theology paper that is due on wednesday! that will be a huge part of my grade since i got a B and C on my last two papers... I need a B on this paper... it's too hard to get an A on the papers... she's very anal about everything! haha the final paper should be easy since its just all 3 of the papers put together... gonna be a lot of work still all due the week after thanksgiving!.... I've been acing all the tests/quizzes so that could help me a bit. hopefully an A-/B+ in her class...

i have a fine arts exam on wednesday... *sigh* so lame.

my sister has no school all week! luckky her! wait... i dont have school thursday and friday! haha... yay!

so yea. i need to finish that paper #3 and the ochem lab reportS and notebook write ups that i've been putting off. haha. OH! and my physiology final report and PRESENTATION that i need to work on with d.Le! *sigh* great! so much stuff to do.

(haha i'm posting a lot of stuff. cuz i'm close to the 100th post!)

UP Women's SOCCER!!!!

I love our soccer team! they are so awesome! makes me wanna play! but i cant cuz they would kill me hahaha

Round 4 (quarter finals!!) UP VS. UCLA! (we lost to them last year.... but we will see this year! GOOD LUCK PILOTS! have fun in california! wish i could go see the game... btw, im still upset/mad that i lost my button from last year...)

Round 3 (UP vs Virginia Tech, 4-1)


Round 2 (UP vs UW, 2-1)


Round 1 (UP vs Denver, 4-0)

"SHE WOLF"

So today was pretty awesome.

(well yesterday now, i was in the middle of writing this... but i was forced to chow down my tuna salad... that i ACTUALLY made... haha surprising isnt it? it was so good. makes me wanna get some right now. welll anyways... back to why yesterday was so awesome - speaking in past tense from yesterday though. feel like it's more exciting if i do so. haha).

ok. the beginnning of the day was not that great.

1.  i had the new caramel brulee latte at starbucks... and i was getting sick in class. it made me feel sick! haha. i fell asleep in that class too (physio). so bad. so then i went to the library... and SLEPT! while the others were doing their own thing (studying for ochem exam... which is the one that willl make them or break them, meaning dropping that class or not haha). right now... i have a C+/B- in my ochem class... i dont mind if i get a B in that class... it's impossible for me to get an A in that class now, since of that incident that happened on monday... so bad. i was completely screwed either ways.
2. i went to 23rd...again. (two days in a row), but this time was for trader joe! (i think it is the closest one... by UP...) but yea i got some cookies and.. CHOCOLATE! and clif bars! i remember i used to live off of those last year... haha. i'm starting again. after that, i went to fat straw...again. this time i got a banh mi. i want to see all the hype about their bomb banh mi. i didnt think it was bomb... haha but my cousin owns this place... so i'll just keep quiet. haha. i only come for their green milk tea w/ tapioca + egg custard! 
3. i went back to school... and played with my new friends. (it is sad, but they are all freshmen! i feel more... me when i'm around them. haha i blend in so well!) i feel bad cuz we always joke around...IN THE LIBRARY! sometimes, there will be a whole row of asian (us and us) on the balcony... i feel a little weird haha. but recently, we've been moving around the library... i have my own secret spot to go to when i dont want anyone to come see me. but yea... haha the things we do... so funny.
4. so in physiology lab today, there was 2 student projects going... the first one was my friend's effects on blood glucose levels in HIGH, LOW, MEDIUM calories/fat intakers. i got the low calories and they fed me a salad with tomatoes, cucumbers, and i think it might have been balsamic vinegar dressing? but i could be wrong. it was good though. and also a WHole GIANT APPLE! it was hard eating the apple, i told her. haha. and i had to get my fingers pricked 3 times for her project! *everyone who was participating did. haha but still the pain! so funny cuz my professor was the one that pricked all of us... everytime it was my turn... he could sense my tenseness and everyone would stare cuz i was... being "dramatic" about it. haha my friend said, "sorry. this is not payback for last week though..." haha last week i made her drink my instant starbucks coffee for my project! it was pretty nasty.. cuz it was black... i mean i couldnt take it either... it was so strong! and it sucked for her cuz she couldnt drink the creamer that i bought! (it kinda helped to dilute the strong bitternes... but it was still strong!) but yea the other was grilled cheese for high, and... something else for the middle group... our class is awesome!

THIS IS THE MAIN PART
    5.   So finally frisbee class! it has been more than a month w/o going to class due to fall break, scheduling of the fields, and the captain being sick. i was dreading it before going to class today, since i was tired after a long day of... eating and doing random things. BUT i'm glad that i went. cuz we finally are playing mini tournaments, like a ladder... (what we would do in tennis and stuff..) so we counted off by 4... i  was a TWO! pretty awesome. cuz i thought this other girl, who was also a two, is cute/pretty and tall! haha. only us two girls on our team. the other teams has more than two girls which is weird. and it sucks cuz we got stuck playing in the chiles center. i also think one of my guy teammates is pretty cute... haha. *sigh* so bad. but yea we had to share the "gym" with the dance team... so we took half of their space and we conquered the top floor. i ended up in a team with pretty awesome people! my workshop leader from last year is on my team. he is pretty awesome! haha remembers my last name! haha (i knew he was the only one who signed me up cuz no one on my team knew me... but now they do!) yes... well most of them and the opposite team should know who i am now... cuz i am the SHE WOLF! hahaha i was in my element today. even though i was wearing like a button up shirt (assumed we didnt have class today haha), but had my sweat pants and running shoes in the car so its all good. haha. so yea at first i was being "BLAH" about going to class but when i started playing i felt good! adrenaline rush or something. i was like... what they (high school people) used to call me "SHADOW CAT" haha. i guess i was fast and came out of no where. well, so... i guess i made... a lot of "touchdowns" haha it felt nice! runnning for the disk, reaching above my head, jumping up and hoping to catch it right in the touch zone! it's like in those football movies... haha! i caught most of it! and i love it when i knock the disk down in front of someone's face! haha so mean but i like that feeling. (i had a dream about it last night, and my cousin got scared because when i knocked the disk down, i jerked! so she startled and thought i was possessed or something! i woke up thinking wow... i cant believe i dreamt about that! haha) so yea so in the middle of the game... people started calling me SHE WOLF! (because... the dance team was stretching/warming up to "she wolf" by shakira (SEE ABOVE) and my friends were dancing to it before the game began so thats where that came from...) haha so yea... near the end of the game.. we were in the lead... like 15-3 or something hahaha so the captain was like ok... "cap time" or something like taht.. i forgot the terminology! but basically its like in the next 5 minutes, if my team score 2 touchdowns then we can stop the game and we're done! if not then keep playing until... some time. haha but yea... i made the last two touchdowns... in less than 5 minutes!!! haha we were all screaming and yelling GOOD GAME! NICE JOB. ETC... haha pretty awesome... so yea. so my friend/team captain... officially named our team... SHE WOLF... hahaha! so yea yeppie! fun class! haha next next week the others and the rest of the class will see me in my element... i hope!


so yea i got home. got a missed called from my cousin. i knew it was twilight! haha. so we, me sister and cousin, went to see it. it was pretty good. hah i liked it. waited in line for about 30 mins or so until we could get into our seats. haha. it was full. but i didnt think it was a FULL HOUSE. but it got kinda stuffy in there...pretty gross. yea. then went home and showered and sleep! at 4 or so! i slept in my mother's room. i think i will for the rest of the month haha. im sick of my room. for now.


yep. thats all it is. upcoming weeks will be hell! i'm not joking. i need to stop having FUN! hahah

Resemblance

Just looking at old photos.
My dad's style kind of resemble mine.
It's kind of freaky, yet cool at the same time.
I see my mom in me too.
haha, oh how stupid were those statements!
of course i have genes from my mother and father!

anywho, this is how i function at 4 in the morning! (people who spends the night and stay up with me, should know... i am SUPER DUPER weird around 5 am but it's funny haha).

so i fell asleep. haha.

now in physiology lecture. it is so boring! and i think the lack of sleep has an effect on this too.
8:10s are bad for my health.
i am hungry right now.
everyone is too busy to get fatstraw with me...

well i just got back to school. fat straw was good. havent had it in a while.
Escape from NY Pizza was good too! last time i had it was with a friend, maybe 1.5 years ago. haha.
Parking was a BUTT today. i went around for 30 or so minutes! then i gave up and went to UO to pick up some polaroid film... BUT THEY ARE OUT! so sad. that was my last and only resort! *SIGH*

Today, in workshop, i feel like there is a connection between me and my class! haha i'm happy. even though, i suck at teaching them, they all are really nice. Most of the time, i will be asking them questions rather than they ask me! haha i feel so stupid. But in a way, i am helping some of them... so im happy. there are 2 kids who are good at explaining so i pick on them all the time. haha it helps me and the other kids in class. there is this one girl... who stopped showing up since the 3rd week... but i dont blame her. it's not like i'm all that helpful haha. but yes... 3/4 more weeks left until we part. i will miss them haha.

but yea. my memory is gettting really bad. like today i repeated something... 3 times... to the same person... (each time i saw them... ) it's werid how i dont remember things like that anymore... i think my memory receptors need to get stimulated more often mostly my short term... i tend to remember long term stuff.. quite well... hahaha.

haha funnny cuz this post was made throughout today... thats why you see random stuff in different paragraphs... welll i think i'm done. nothing really new with me except how i failed my ochem test... since i had only 30 mins to do the whole test... and how i'm excited for thanksgiving... and christmas... sad cuz i realized... that this year will be my year where i wont get people/my friends anything... i wont have the money... since mother is not home... and im at the point where... everything is gone... i need to learn how to conserve! im sad. well i hope in that sense, that i will get what i want... meaning nothing from my friends. seriously. winter break will be awesome this year... me and my bed! haha.

Things I'm Giving up.....& quote #8

So recently decided to give up FB (deactivated it) and AIM. Twitter and Blogger is the only exceptions. haha. since i cant really get distracted from it unless im doing what im doing right now... posting on it.... haha. which i will stop soon cuz i have a lot of work to do this week and next and the following week and the week after that! basically not free until Dec.17! *sigh* a whole month! stressful. people are contemplating on whether or not to WITHDRAW from organic chemistry.... i, on the other hand... will not. even if i have a C! people need to chill. a C isnt that bad. i had TWO Cs in college so far... and im not stressing over it... even though i should cuz now i cant get into med school OR dental school.... what am i gonna do!? *sigh* life is hard. why does everything need to be so complicated?! i'll come up with something soon, i hope. if things weren't based on other things... life would be a breeze. maybe that's why it is the way it is... need to add some excitement into life... hahah....

well i am hungry. but im lazy to get food. no one to bring me food. *sigh* sad. will i survive? hopefully. it's only a month. it happens every year. sometimes twice a year... i should be used to it. but why do i still feel like this? maybe it's just the first day.... *sigh* hope all is well.


PS- i feeel like this next quote is very true for some parts... for me at least. it's only because i can't let go of the past that easily. again, im still learning. sometimes, im at the point where its all forgotten until something triggers it and again.. that feeling stimulates... and then everything comes back... i just hate that! i've mentioned this a lot, but sometimes i want someone to hit my head really hard... so i can get amnesia or something... so i can forget things. it would be great if i could forget the things i dont want in my head, but at the same time, i dont want to forget the happy things in my past. *sigh* but! with the future, i can make new happy memories so thats where im coming from when i saw i want someone to hit my head. if my happy memories are still apart of me after it's gone... it should come back... (i hope that made sense... haha) well here's the quote!


“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

—	Neil Gaiman

The 7th of November

So I want to get one of these posters for my wall collection! haha. my wall is not empty no more! since my mom wont let me paint my walls, i'll put stuff on it. haha.

So this movie, NEW YORK, I LOVE YOU... is actually pretty good. It wasnt straightforward and definitely not one story. It was more abstract and contained 11 different stories (segments).

1. The Pickpocket scene with Hayden Christensen, Rachel Bilson, and Andy Garcia!
   
2. The Ring/Wedding scene... with Natalie Portman and some indian guy... weird scene, cuz she had a weird intimate moment with that indian guy and she married... a different indian guy... hahah
   
3. Music/Book scene w/ Orlando Bloom and the big eyes girl... uhhh i love him and his pants! but just him in general... haha. i dont care if he was living in a lame home or messy. he's still hot!
   
4. Pickup Artist/Writer w/ Maggie Q and Ethan Hawke! he is so funny! i love this scene i laughed so much. and she is pretty damn hot! haha. she's getting a lil old though. but i loved her in NAKED WEAPON (good movie, i think it's rated R though.... hahah).
   
5. Prom Night - the boy is the guy from star trek, with the funny accent... haha. this was pretty funny too. the belt and the tree branch... "make a wish" hahaha!!!
6. One Night Stand scene which jumps back and forth with Bradley Cooper and this one lady... haha very.... sexy. i mean him. haha he has a nice bod!
   
7. The Hotel scene with Shia La Beouf and this old woman - I do not get this segment at all! this was a pretty interesting scene in the movie. i need to go look this up. haha. i know its something about loneliness and stuff. but yea....
   
8. The "Manny"? or the black father and white daughter - this was pretty sweet. i think. it sucks to be him though.
   
9. Painter/Artist looking for inspiration? - this scene had ShuQi in it. and some random old man who likes to draw her... i cant believe what happened to him. but it was foreseen. so sad. you never know what would happen in life. the minute you see them, the next you might not! gotta cherish the people around you.
   
10. Husband+Wife on a corner of a street pretending to be strangers so their love life would get/be more interesting? haha i guess that's what i got from it! gotta mix things around and be different. cant be bored... with the same thing...
    
11. The Old couple! i think this was funnny too. and cute and sweet! *sigh* i wonder if i would be like this when im old and with my husband... haha it would be nice...
    

There were some transition stories like the guy with the complaining girlfriend, saying he never takes her anywhere! haha i think its cool how he bought her tickets to ROME! and first class - coach! haha.

But yea i think that was it... THis movie is a rendition of PARIS, JE T'AIME! In my perspective it is better than the Paris one. I fell asleep watching the paris one. but yes. i like this movie even though the reviews were bad. good thing i went to watch this. otherwise, i would have missed something coool about new york... it's one of the cities of love! hhaah common theme? i'd say trying to connect with people and finding love!

So other than this movie today, I went to see my dad. It has been awhile. almost a year. this time i didnt go by myself. i had my friends come with me. I'm glad they went. I never ask my friends to go with me cuz i feel weird asking them to go to a cemetery... it's not normal... haha my sister was like... why are you telling your friends to go? it's not like you're marrying them or anything! it's like meeting the parents.... what a lil nonsensical and senseless girl! anywho, it was awesome that they went even though it was pouring down rain and cold... they still went. it means a lot to me. they all know that when it comes to my father i get emotional about things haha. i was gonna do a speech today in front of them, like introducing everyone to my dad and vice versa. but i couldnt do it. i didnt want to break down in front of them. so i did it in my head. it was a lil funny. also, i didnt want to take long cuz again it was RAINING HARD! haha i got all wet... but i said a lot of things to dad. it helped me a lot. told him about my friends. prayed for them and yea... asked him to help me and guide me. show me the path that i need to go as if he was still here. i guess i'm still bitter about the fact that i never had a father or a father figure person in my life. i envy others who do and dont cherish it. but i guess that's how it is for everything, you dont appreciate the things you have until it's gone! i think this might be one reason why i try so hard to not lose things. like i try too hard to keep things right and good. like i dont want to lose my friends or my family. i've lost too many. and it hurts. maybe that's why i'm so weak when it comes to breaking up, moving away, etc... but anyways the point here is i have good friends. hahah.

So we went Everywhere today to eat!

1. MoJo crepes
   
2. Gary's bakery?
   
3. Elephant's Delicatessen
   
4. Sansai? sushi place...
   
5. Skinnidip!
6. Pix!
   

What a day. eat too much. fatties we are. haha. fun times. it's always nice to hang out with my friends (for me).

Btw, if you've read my previous post (halloween one), i am sorry. for making you worry. about me. it was just a segment of my feelings. thoughts. stuff that is hard for me to say aloud. i will try to post happy stuff from now on. to prevent you, my friends, from worrying. about me.

The Coming of FALL BREAK!

Wow. the past few days at school were so long! one day i was like... "IT'S ONLY WEDNESDAY!?" haha horrible horrible week. But it's all over now. i was so glad it was friday when it was friday. haah. i got out of class at 11! it was awesome. i did some last minute things. Ate at Thai Ginger with some people. then i went home, took a nap. Met up with some people to go eat at Esan! man it was like a freakin' THAI FOOD ALL YOU CAN EAT DAY! and seriously. i really do hate thai food WITH A PASSION! but i'll still go just to hang out. unless something is wrong and i'm being a lame ass then i would refuse to go. anywho, after thai food, had dessert aka skinnidip! always good. i dont know why other people dont like it. w/e different people, different taste. we can't expect people to like everything you like! now that wouldnt be fun would it!? welll after that, i realized that the people that i was supposed to meet at OSU, didnt even leave PDX yet when i was about to leave! on the way there, there were no cops, some lame traffic, a lame car with two lame guys trying to mess around with me (that was scary). but no worries, got to OSU safely, without a scratch. sadly, my front right tire got FLAT! had the guys fix it for me. haha... it was like a bad saturday. my friend's car's tire was torn! so he had to go buy a new tire. so sad... just our luck! it was a fun weekend though. get to chill with friends, learned how to play BP (still vague...) and king's Cup! haha.

overall, it was a dramatic weekend. i got scared 3 times i think, 1) knocking on the bathroom door when i was using it, 2) chris flinging a "rat" aka a freakin leaf at me and i screamed, 3) my friend's boyfriend freakin scared me when i walked passed the hallway, dropped my stuff and ran away. haha. man i get scared so easily! it felt like my heart jumped out of my body!

haha random but my mother just called me "princess!" my friend is right! i get treated like one at home and there! thanks a lot though. seriously, i dont know what to do! i dont cook cuz i dont need to. i feel like i could if i try and need to do it. but home is home, food is already made by the mothers. no need for some burnt stuff made by amateurs.

had a talk about boyfriends, uhhh i dont want one as for the moment. i feel like if i do get one, it would ruin many/a lot of my friendships with people. you can say that im the type of person that would do anything for her friends, no matter what. i'm very loyal, therefore, my bf would take over me haha. i'm not gonna lie, but a lot/ almost everyone say that "I won't let my bf/gf get in the way of our friendship" but usually it does! no matter how hard you try, that other friend(s) would still feel awkward around you guys or even just around you. so yea. boyfriend, i'm not ready for.
sometimes, things dont go the way you want it to go. and all you can do is JUST LET GO! there's nothing to do when it is time to let go, but to LET GO! haha i hope that makes sense. i'm being hypocritical cuz i need to let go... of things too. it's just really hard. you dont know how hard it is until you feel it. no one will ever get me. man, suddenly im getting emotional. i didnt think talking about this topic would get me tearing up! i've given up, let go of things... things that i shouldnt even think about anymore, but it's still there. why?! it seems like i have a problem. no one knows about it. its not that i dont trust my friends to tell/talk to them about this. its becasue im scared. i dont know waht to think anymore. *sigh* i've just been keeping this to myself cuz i'm so afraid of what's gonna happen later on. hurting myself is the best solution.

anywho, iono why i ended up talking about this. people said i changed. i myself, dont think so. or maybe i did!? but to me, i think it depends on the time. the time as in: what day, what occasion, or where/what we are doing...? AND my mood, if im pissed off, i can be the tension of the atmosphere. if im happy, then no worries. if im annoyed, you better not annoy me some more, or else i'll be an ass to you. i hate people crying, therefore, i try not to cry in front of people. makes thing less awkward for other people! gotta be considerate now! i cant always be selfish! can't always think about myself! i hate it when people plan ahead to get things their way... it's so devious! oh i hate those type of people.

now onto something a lil bit different. i have a thing with attraction. if there is one, i'll fight for you. sometimes, i would be wrong. wrong meaning, you're the wrong person for me, i cant be your friend. i figure this out usually at first sight. but my last case, it took me 2 months. i dont regret it. it was just a waste of my time. a waste of my effort. a waste of my sincerity. all this to find that this person is thee biggest jerk/asshole/bitch/etc!!! i think i'm done with fighting. i've lost too many. i dont want to fight anymore...

isn't it funny how this weekend made me think about so many things!?