........

ugh. some people can be so... LAME!

sometimes, i dont feel like trying no more.
i think i'm caring less nowadays...

for instance, if i got a C back in the day... i would totallly freak out... now, it's just... "oh a C... how nice, i passed..."
im losing it.
which is not good at all.
i dont know what to do with myself anymore.
my dreams are impossible to reach.

& i'm losing the people i care about through different ways.
(lying, cheating, hiding things like THE TRUTH+secrets, not being honest, & simply the lost of communication!)
i saw it coming.
i just never wanted it to come true... or admitted the real fact/truth...
i think i started losing them when i was in high school...
and i'm still in the process of losing.
(i have to admit, HS wasn't "fun," it was just nice to finally have some real friends. that is probably the only reason why i liked HS so much. i was a loner throughout elementary+middle school. i had friends, but were they really friends? just a bunch of little tattle talers, self absorbed, selfish, and mischievous kids. PLUS the drama that came along with it. i think i made some good friends in HS. just think about how different i would be if i went to Grant!? (my 2nd choice). I dont know if anything that happened was right, but it's fate? haha whatever happened happened. cant go back now. And i dont know what will happen in the future, tomorrow or even in a minute... but i'll let fate decide... my decisions do matter... but who knows... sometimes things doesnt go as planned. I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I GOT TO THIS MATTER OF FATE... ANYWHO! HS was HS. Glad all the people i dont want to see is not in my life anymore haha pretty messed up but it's true. some people were just so annoying and... fake. btw, i dislike FAKE people! i mean a lot of people are... but theres a limit... like... for me, i act differently around different people... is that consider fake? haha i am still me though... SOME people are totally TWO different people! sometimes... i get scared... but anywho i am done with HS. just wanted to mention that because... OH because HS was the time period where i started losing people... thats right. family, friends, old AND new).

again, i think it's time for me to give up.
& let things be...
most importantly,
letting things go...
always has been my problem
& probably will always be my problem.
im always returning to square #1... losing that epiphany that i thought i gained... but in reality, it's just me imagining it or wanting it so badly that i put it in my head thinking that i have it... haha hopefully that made sense.

anywho... i dont know why i started writing about this... oh nvm. i do.
because of PEOPLE.