Halloween

wow. halloweeen. lets seee what can i say about this. random and disappointing yet i loved it cuz i was hanging out with my friends. not just any friends, but people who i dont get to see often. nowadays, it seems like i never do get to see anybody anyways... but i was happy. As you can see... i was a FARMER! haha. my costume = my nerdy urban outfitters glasses, my OLD NAVY overalls (size 16 in kids... haha), my plaid shirt from AE, and my sister's Hat. oh... and eye liner for my beard. haha i loved it. it was random but i thought it was awesome. every one at the party was all dressed up all girly... haha i felt a lil weird that i was the only girl who went... all HALLOWEEN-Y. haha

so i came with a couple of people. Ty (Mrs Potts - who i just met.. on that day...), Anna - luigi! i sew on her buttons for her costume! and Alyssa - Mario! pretty cool costumes. haha



Well, i might steal some more pictures... but sadly, i didnt get to take any more pictures... i was out of it by the time people came... man, i'm so weak. BUT here is my promise: NO MORE! haha. that night was embarrassing enough. my friend's boyfriend had to carry me out of the house... that was so embarrassing. *sigh* i ruined their halloween! hahha. i shoulda just stayed there and sleep it off. but no, i dont know what i was thinking.... i had to pick my friend. i wonder what would have become of me and what would happened if i didnt go with them... hmm something i would never find out.

sometimes, i wonder, if my decisions are good and what other people want it to be. its so hard to read people's mind. at least for me, i cant do it anymore. some people i can just like that, but for others... i would have trouble or even never know what they are thinking or like.

i have regrets &secrets.

• the past was great, heartbreaking, sad, happy, memorable, free and young, done stupid things and made mistakes. from all those ups and downs, we grew. you and i, we were different people, & we still are. yet we are still the same. in a way, college has turned you into a complete stranger. you are not the same to me. and you will never be. like i said, we grew. becoming different is not the reason for my indifference toward you. it's just that now, you dont need me anymore. or thats how i feel and it hurts. my emotions/feelings are really strong for how i deal with things in my life. maybe that's the reason why, i cant move on fast enough. the stuff i say externally, is just a disguise for my true self, the internal reasoning of everything.
  

who can this be?
my ex-lover.
he has died.
and i never got to say
"Goodbye" or
"I love you" or
"I miss you" or
get the last hug...

i have sins. pins, bins, tins, and wins.

• so many things has happened.
  
• i hate liars, but i have lied. i lied to keep things good. i lied so i dont get hurt. i lied to myself.
• the days are coming to an end. i have to stay strong. for Him.
  
• i use to think "how can i live w/o you?"
• but i have to live in order to win Him back. (if that makes sense).
  
• living = winning.
  
• dont want to die & waste your life away.
  

I will miss Him.

[this post may or may not make sense to you. it is ok. no need to fret. nothing bad will happen]