Am I a Jinx!?

I've been wrong. about a lot of things. I've been worrying about something that was not needed. It was at the right path though, my past.

I know that now is not the time to be writing on here. School is more important (at least for the next couple of weeks!), but I cannot concentrate with all this stress that is on my shoulders right now, all the guilt? the sins? the thoughts that i get randomly... I dont know. But I feel that if I don't tell anyone about this, I will eventually blow up or do something bad. Maybe I'm just thinking too much, like I always do. What I'm about to say is the main point of this post. I'm shaking. Sad. Regretting my old words. I dont know what to do. But here it is:

That post is like a foreshadow for how I'm feeling right now. Indeed, it is a He. I feel guilty. Because right now, I feel like I've put a curse on this:
my ex-lover.
he has died.
and i never got to say
"Goodbye" or
"I love you" or
"I miss you" or
get that last hug...

I dont know what to do. I cant do anything! *sigh* Why am I being punished? What have I done wrong? Everyone is leaving/has left me. Why does it have to happen at this time? Why? Why is it that every time I'm getting settled in my life for a slight moment, something unfortunate has to happen to me?

and why not me?
I wished it were me, instead.
My tears wont do any good.
Please make it stop. *sigh*

We were young. Times were easy. Now you're gone....
Rough times, now. But all i can do is smile and go through this myself. I think.